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Sunday, February 27, 2011

And I Would Like To Thank The Little People

With celebrity buzz focusing on the Oscars, I felt I should at least do one blog on the subject. Because let's face it, no one really likes the movies that are nominated or have even heard of the ones that win. To prove that point, today I will be discussing the winner of an oscar for best picture.
For those of you who have never seen the movie, don't worry as I will hit the highlights to spare you from ever watching this garbage.
The movie Babel starred such people as Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett in a story that centered around a gun. See, Brad and Cate were having more problems that Brangelina and they decided that to fix their marriage they should go to the middle of a war zone. I guess they thought that the neighbors would be used to explosions.
While they are in the Middle East, a hapless goat herder purchases a gun to protect his goats. Then like all responsible parents just gives the gun to his 8 year old kids. These kids go off into the desert and of course they are playing in the road. So now you have two small children firing a gun at traffic. They accidentally hit a bus carrying Brad and Cate and Cate gets shot.
Back in America, Brad and Cate left their kids with the illegal immigrant that watches their children. This woman, has to go to a wedding in Mexico. Instead of maybe calling a relative she decides its better to sneak the kids across the border to attend the wedding with her.
Now the story picks up. In Japan, a deaf 14 year old is introduced to the story. I really have no idea why she is in the story other than she likes to get naked at every possible opportunity. Sadly, this will become the highlight of the film.
So now we are following four different stories. Brad & Cate are struggling to survive. The children are labeled terrorists. Brad & Cate's kids are in Mexico illegally. And a deaf Japanese girl is auditioning for Playboy.
After the wedding the nanny must now sneak the kids back across the border. They of course are harassed by border patrol. This causes the driver, who I assume is one of the nanny's relatives, to race off into the desert with the police fast following. This relative abandons the nanny and B & C's kids in the desert and takes off to lose the cops.
In Japan, the deaf girl goes to the dentist and tries to make him molest her. He asks her to leave. So she goes home, where a cop stops by and she approaches him completely naked. He also leaves.
Back in the Middle East, B & C are still stuck on the bus, where C is bleeding and I believe passed out at the time. The kids that shot her have hidden the gun and their family is attacked by para military forces trying to prevent an international incident.
The movie ends with the Japanese girl standing naked on a balcony hugging her father, who is finally revealed as the man who sold the goat herder his gun. The nanny and kids are rescued, but she is deported. The younger of the two boys is taken to jail for shooting an officer of the law. Cate pisses her pants and is taken to a hospital where she is released.
The End.
And people wonder why movie critic is an obsolete profession...

3 comments:

  1. Should have went with Hot Tub Time Machine...could have saved me the hassle of watching it.(which I still wont) So many reviews and they all are different. LMAO

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  2. Yeah I only finished watching it because I kept hoping it would get better...after all critics are paid to tell me what movies are best for me...they couldnt be that wrong, right?

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