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Monday, February 21, 2011

For The Family That Shares Everything

Something I've often wondered...why do malls across America have family restrooms?
Is it intended for families to use to get even closer than they already are and probably ever should be? "Yeah pa, Jessica and I just went to the restroom together."
And this isn't something limited to just the south, where at least then you could say "Hey its the south". No malls are ever increasingly adding that family stall. Other than cell phone porn, I really don't see a point for this. Who is this stall really meant for? It's a really big room with a lockable door. Other than a few horny individuals, who really uses one of these?
And if the whole purpose is sex..why don't they have condom dispensers?
Oh sure, some of you can claim, "but Samael it has a changing table in it!" But that is only a changing table if the baby your changing is in her mid 20s. The last one I saw had a king size "table" with an inflatable air mattress tucked in the corner.
Last trip I made to the mall I counted ten teenagers as they ran into the family restroom and then they all came out soaking wet...apparantly you can add water balloon fight to the family restrooms many uses.
And a note to those of you that "use" the family restrooms...please only flush one condom at a time as they will clog the toilet and make it over flow.
Now, I think we should rethink the whole idea. I think the capitalists out there are really missing out on some major business opportunities. Maybe rent video equipment right outside the stall or offer cosmetic services to give you the "glamour shot". Or maybe since the room is big enough, circus's could use them to train lions, tigers and bears. In that case, just make sure you leave a chair and put the seat down because lions are worse than your girlfriend when they nag. Because they have claws.
Maybe Guinness could start a new world record of how many people you can shove into one of those. During the holidays, you could turn them into Santas Special Place. Maybe let people pet Rudolph there.
Victoria's Secret could set up a kiosk right outside. So could Lana's House Of Pain!
So there you have it people! Let's turn a completely useless room into a money making opportunity! After all if sex sells, why shouldn't we sell sex?

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