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Monday, February 28, 2011

I May Not Have Owned You But I Certainly Paid Rent

This is dedicated to relationships.
See after careful reflection I have come to a very sensible conclusion. Relationships should come with rental agreements.
I am the uncrowned King of Bad Relationships ladies...if you are completely emotionally unavailable, we are going to find ourselves smitten with each other. In my dating experience, it seems I always find out too late they are secretly in love with someone else.
In my most recent ex, it was a guy she hadn't even spoken to since she was 15. Their last date was at Chuckie Cheese. She was fascinated by his retainer and he thought her acne made her cute when she blushed. They had a deep connection with each other, I'm sure.
Oh sure, all relationships start the same's hot and heavy and you both can't seem to get enough of each other. But eventually, one or the other gets bored with it. This is where people say the "Honeymoon Ends". Personally, I think because the road is under construction, people try and take detours and get lost along the way.
Like the ex that broke all the windows in my car to get my attention. She thought that by doing something drastic, she could force a change from me and it worked! I filed a restraining order and this is why I now drive a motorcycle.
This story brings up another point entirely. People aren't like animals or laptops. If you don't like something about someone, you can't take them to the local dog whisperer or Best Buy and get them retrained or install new software. If you don't like the fact that I tend to be a bit cynical, you will probably never like the fact that I will continue to do so.
Another aspect that destroys relationships is money. Sure some claim that money can't buy happiness, but thats just something people say to feel better about being poor. To prove that point, give me several million dollars and I will show you how happy I can be.
When two people are fighting over finances, it causes strains in other areas of the the bedroom. Guys, if she is pissed about you spending the rent money on the newest Playstation bundle pack, she won't be playing with your joystick.
Sex is another issue that complicates a relationship. depending on ones health and moods at the time, the amount of sex can vary greatly from month to month. Since it is an important part to the core of the relationship, I think it should be scheduled like maintenance is for your car. Of course, I'd be happy if she just looked at me let alone touched me.
In my experience, I've found that both parties have to work together to make things last. They say its 50 50, but I've discovered its usually 70 30. If you only get what you give, I'd like mine back as I think I overpaid.

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAHAHA!!! Relationships should be give an take, never just 50/50....If you give 60 one week you should get 60 the next matter who it is giving and taking....Ive learned that recently. You can never expect someone to give when all they do is take...because you run out of things to give, and become tired. One day Ben, you'll find that girl who loves you, your cynicism, your love of firearms and weaponry of all sort. LOL She's out there somewhere.