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Thursday, February 17, 2011

I'm Sorry Shaggy, But I've Been Smurfing In The Van

America, I have a bone to pick with our overseas brethren. In London, there is controversy over a new cartoon aimed at promoting racial understanding called RastaMouse. The biggest complaint is that it inspires bad language skills. After all the main character is from Jamaica, how dare he speak the way they do in the islands.
Why must people make cartoons that are unwholesome? And by unwholesome, I mean make ethnic characters that don't speak and act like white people.
I mean look at the cartoons that I grew up with. These were from the 70's, 80's and 90's and are the pinnacle of what is morally right.
Let's start with the Smurfs. You have a village of 99 men and 1 woman. It was all about brotherly "love". And the oldest man made everyone call him Papa. There was nothing even remotely homo-erotic about this cartoon at all.
The next one that was a standing stone for morality was Scooby Doo. A story of a guy and his dog traveling the country in a van. Together they fought the munchies and their own paranoia, after enjoying some Scooby Snacks. And after a few too many Scooby Snacks, Shaggy would almost swear Scooby was talking to him.
Yogi Bear just made a splash at the box office...and when I say splash I mean it sank like a rock. It told the story of an innocent bear that stole from people.
Woody Woodpecker inspired tolerance for the mentally challenged by showing kids the heart warming tale of an insane bird.
Bugs Bunny helped teach kids that if you hurt someone before they hurt you then you were in the right. That dastardly Elmer and Sam, were always thwarted before they could even begin to hatch out their nefarious plots.
Tom and Jerry showed us that cats were evil.
Thundercats promoted "ho's".
He-man was about a guy in pink that became the most powerful man in the universe when he tanned and put on a loin cloth.
She-Ra taught us that women love big swords.
Fat Albert made obesity seem cool.
And I could go on and on. So take that RastaMouse...maybe if you had tried to teach me the lessons these other cartoons did, instead of the ones of peace, harmony and understanding, you wouldn't be at the firing squad.

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! No shit right...I always thought the smurfs were an odd bunch. Good one Ben!!!