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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Rear Ended With Feeling

Is it just me or are most sports today pretty boring? I mean, how  many people can stay awake while trying to watch an entire baseball game on tv? Have you ever wondered why the batter can't run with the bat? I think watching a guy running down a line swinging at people trying to tag him would be alot more interesting.
But baseball isn't the only sport to suffer from loss of excitement...which is why today I am gonna talk about a few new more entertaining ideas.
Let's start with racing...instead driving in a circle with professional drivers, I would rather watch a few road rage inspired participants. Imagine races to the grocery store where drivers are encouraged to yell, scream, honk horns, and try and kill each other. I'd buy that t-shirt!
Or how about foot racing...how dull is it to watch a few guys or gals just run? I think a new game called "Running From The Poe Poe" should be aired instead. Have guys and gals rip off liqour stores and then run as fast from the pursuing cops as possible. If they get caught, they lose and get jail time. If they get away, they win the race and get to keep the 30 or so dollars that they took. Now that would be excitement!
I also miss real gladiatorial sports. So instead of letting prisoners sit idle on death row for years, have them compete in a series of lethal games. If they survive say 25 challenges, then they have earned the right to be freed. Maybe have man vs man. Or a real life team death match using swords and spears. Maybe one of the challenges could be called David and Goliath. In this particular challenge, an inmate using only a small stone must subdue a tank.
Volley ball would be much more exciting if you were tossing an explosive device back and forth instead of a ball. Maybe have a timer in it randomly set and the winners are determined by who is left.
Instead of alligator wrestling, maybe we could have great white shark wrestling. Armed only with your wits and a tooth pick you must wrestle the fish into submission.
Instead of horse racing, why not do it with man eating kodiak bears. Strap a jockey to the back of a grizzly and let them race to the finish line.
Football is good, but get rid of all the possible penalties, and also combine it with boxing. If anything really does go, I'd say get rid of the armor they wear, but then we would have to call the sport rugby.
There should never be a penalty for fighting in hockey. Instead it should be encouraged. And extra points added to the fighters team. Same goes with soccer. But let them play with chain saws just for that reason.
I think fans should be given more lee way at sporting events too. After all, if you are willing to pay the prices to go, why can't you fire pellet guns at the opposing teams? Just think of the extra revenue stadiums can bring in with that!
So there ya have it people! Let's play sports the way they are meant to be played: brutally and violent!

1 comment:

  1. LMAO Ben
    " Or how about foot racing...how dull is it to watch a few guys or gals just run? I think a new game called "Running From The Poe Poe"

    This is hilarious!!

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