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Saturday, February 26, 2011

"The Same Thing We Do Every Night Pinky"

Ok Verizon...I'm on to you. You may have tricked everyone else, but I now see what is really going on....My cell phone is trying to take over the world.
When I bought my Droid X, I was taken in by the flashy screen and the really cool apps...little did I know that the screen would be used to brainwash me and those apps would be ticking time bombs..ready to explode.
Ok so now do ya wanna know why I think my phone is trying to take us over and make us all slaves?
Let's start with the navigation app it has built pairs with google location. This way the robots always know where you are. I can turn this feature on and know exactly where any of my friends are at any time...kinda takes stalking to a whole new level. And for our robot overlords, it will tell them where to aim the missiles.
I accidently used an app called HypnoMe on myself one day last week...I woke up at a 7 11 wearing camo with the clerk telling me that he "doesn't know when the eagle will rise again".
It has been teaching the local wildlife (birds in particular) that they can destroy buildings by flinging themselves at them. Sure you may think this is a game, but its merely basic training for sparrows.
My phone is obsessed with my banking information and wants to know who I bank with. This way it can cut off my funding when it decides to attack us all.
It also wants to manage all my social applications. Including this blog. This way it can isolate us and make us think everything is really ok.
A relatively new app called Androidify, is even available to show what you will look like as an android in the new Droid order.
I turned on the stop watch app the other day and it just started counting what I don't know but apparently we only have 3 years 2 months 7 days 14 hours 21 mins and 27 seconds to stop whatever it is.
I used the DroidLight to temporarily blind a prowler in my yard...although it turned out to be the UPS guy. He was very surprised at how bright the light was. Imagine if they all went off at once, we would never see the end coming.
Because my phone has an antivirus...that must mean it has a virus ready to if you defy the robot masters you will probably die of some horrible biological agent.
There is an app called AI Vs Humans...I think this is to test how well we would do in a simulation against the machines.
UnderControl is an app about being controlled...I think that one is self explanatory.
Find the Robots! is an app that plays itself off as cutesy but is it really just preparing us for the inevitable?
If you search the word robot in the android market, thousands of possibilities come up including Loving Robot Vibrations and Android Love.
And if that wasn't disturbing enough, just this morning I caught my phone trying to start a conversation with my nightstand about "the end of the world as we know it" I just hope my phone feels fine.

1 comment:

  1. OMG!!! This friggin rocks! I don't have a droid, thankfully, my phone must have been a "lemon" droid it's a bit defunct. LOL