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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Hissing And Spitting I Made My Great Escape!

The Bronx Zoo has lost a cobra. I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me. "Honey, I've misplaced the pit vipers again!"
I usually just check what I wore yesterday and I find what I am missing. But sometimes it isn't in my clothes, then I check random tables in my house. Or counters. The piano.
It always turns up. Of course, my car keys aren't as likely to kill anyone in the interim.
Too bad you can't just hire Indiana Jones. It seemed if there was a snake within 100 miles of his location it was drawn to him. Then you could just use him as bait and recover your missing, spitting death dealer.
I've heard monkeys and cobras like to party so maybe you should check there.
I mean its 20 feet long its not like you can't see it! Oh...wait that's the sign for inches...So its not even 2 feet long then.
I have an idea Bronx Zoo. Fly me up to NYC and give me a shovel. I will kill...I mean reappropriate your snake. It just may be like a writhing puzzle when I return him. I'm sure some super glue will fix him right up.
Of course you could also just lace the zoo with kerosene. Snakes hate kerosene. Just know that he will rush you like a mob of 12 year olds rush Justin Bieber. 
You could also make it a game and offer a prize to anyone that finds it. You could dress visitors like pirates and give them maps and just let them explore everywhere. In this case the prize could be the antivenom.
Or let a mongoose loose in the zoo as well. They are the cobras mortal enemy. Don't have a mongoose? No worries just use an otter or a weasel, gotta be similar right?
If none of the rest of this works and you gotta get tough. Call G I Joe. They have handled COBRA before and their movie wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be.
I will be following this story for updates...via twitter...where the missing cobra is sending out regular tweets.  His last one said he was entering an open apartment window. How many of those could there be in NYC? That sounds like you could find him in no time. @bronxzoocobra has already earned 24,000 followers. So someone should be able to point him out.

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