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Thursday, March 3, 2011

I've Never Looked At Rover That Way

Readers, there are alot of sick people in this world. And while visiting a book store that was going out of business, I may have come across one of the sickest. In an almost train wreck kind of way though, I've found I can't stop reading this book.
The man in question is Malcolm Brenner. The book he has written is titled Wet Goddess: Recollections of a Dolphin Lover. To explain, he isn't talking about "Oh I love watching the dolphins!" he means "I LOVE the dolphins" in a strictly carnal sense. I don't know about you, but I've never looked at my German Shepherd and thought "I wonder what she is like in bed".
See apparently in the 1970s while experimenting with some mind altering drugs, Malcolm fell in love with a dolphin named Ruby. See, he believed that the two of them shared a "telepathic" connection.
He would spend a majority of his book "thinking" to his dolphin and "hearing" what the dolphin was thinking back. It's almost like that time I "thought" I heard this one girl thinking that she wanted me, only when I asked her she threw water in my face. Maybe I should have just kept the assumption.
The story takes place just outside of my old home town of Sarasota Fl. For those of you who aren't familiar with Sarasota, let me recap why it is famous...1st it was home of John Ringling, who was founder of the Ringling Brothers Circus and 2nd it was where Pee Wee Herman was arrested for showing his "pee wee" in an adult movie theatre. And now it will be famous as a city that will let you f*** dolphins.
This story isn't really new, I had heard the story of the man who slept with dolphins before. But this was the first time I had seen it in book form. I guess the movie Avatar inspired Brenner to release it as a novel. After all, if people can handle giant blue alien and human romance, why not that between a man and a water bound mammal?
Among Malcolm's many justifications to his delusions, he talks about how Ruby gets jealous of his then girlfriend. He claims that the dolphin tried to hurt her and afterwards told him to ravish her. The delusions it seems makes Malcolm feel better about his perversity. After all, if the dolphin wanted it then its not like he did anything wrong...
But Brenner isn't alone in his perversity...if you google search "wet goddess" among the sites you will get is a blog "about dolphins  who love humans and the humans who love them".
It should be noted that Brenner is a "hard hitting investigative reporter", that uncovered such scandals as an alien abduction of his ex wife and the crash of a stealth fighter jet near Pueblo Zuni.
He claimed that writing fiction is too hard for him, since nothing is stranger than his own life. What's strange to me is why isn't PETA harassing this guy? This is a group that breaks animals out of safe places because they can't stand the thought of any bad thing happening. Unless, they secretly condone the works of Malcolm Brenner. Perhaps the majority of PETA understands the complexity of man to animal relationships and that is why they cause disturbances only at the homes and businesses of those that don't have sexual relationships with them.
So, as adverse as I am to the idea of destroying knowledge, I plan to burn this novel later. I don't condone the burning of books under pretty much any circumstance and I believe that everyone has the right to say what they want when they want. But I'd like to roast some s'mores later, and I'm all out of kindling..


  1. brings a whole new meaning to the term " he sleeps with the fishes"

  2. it does indeed...this one kinda angered me to write but I felt I had to make a comment on it

  3. I started off thinking about this powerful short story I read as a teenager in an H P Lovecraft collection (the first book to also ever give me a nightmare) but I kept reading and now I feel like I need to take a shower.

    The book's title is irrelevant. The particular collection is long since out of print and I distinctly recall that Lovecraft did not write the story himself. I do not, unfortunately, remember who did.

  4. I think what angers me the most is that he has a real following, not just people like me making fun of him or calling him out on his bs...but an entire group that believes in his "vision" that turns my stomach and I think I now need a shower myself.

  5. LMAO!!!, You remember I told you about the 3 sex offender notices I received in the mail within a weeks time, all different WOMEN for that matter, and all 3 were for Crimes against Nature. *shivers*

    This puts a whole new spin on im really wondering what the hell they did. I mean, I'm curious , but then again, not. Weirdos!! Just plenty of weirdos out there. Ben....Don't mention your German Shepard again....creeps me out. LMAO jk