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Friday, March 25, 2011

My Suntan Is Glowing

Todays blog is partly about the chaos happening in Japan. Media has reported that the nuclear reactors may be spewing harmful amounts of radiation into the enviroment. And what was their first clue? No, it was Godzilla trying to tear apart Tokyo again, it was the fact that all the workers were getting burned. 
Now, I've been burned plenty of times at my job, but never literally. Apparently, the radiation levels are so unsafe that workers are getting blisters and burns. 
I think they should talk to their union and get better working conditions. And maybe work in a clause for free dental.
See, about 14% of the worlds total power comes from nuclear sources. The US, France and Japan make up over 50% of that amount. So how do we keep similar incidents from occurring in France and the United States. Well, here is my idea. First, all I know about Nuclear Power Plants comes from watching the Simpsons and disaster movies. So, I say we fire Homer and hire people that can actually operate the places.
Next, it always seems that they are built in close proximity to zoo's. This often results in giant mutated animal life that tries to eat us. So, we should relocate any of the following animals: spiders, lizards, snakes, monkeys, moths, ants, bees, and bears. Man-eating plants should also be relocated.
It seems that there are no contingencies for any problems that could occur, I think we should fix that as well. Especially since I live 30 miles from a nuclear plant. Maybe we could issue everyone within a 200 mile radius geiger counters. To help people understand how to read them, make them digital with only two settings. You are fine and You are fucked.
Areas like Chernobyl, have become lush wildlife preserves after the accidents that wiped out all life. Chernobyl flourishes with mice, deer, moose, foxes, rabbits and wolves, as well as plant life. But it is missing butterflies.
Japan has released a cartoon called Nuclear Boy, to help explain the disaster. It relates a meltdown to having diarrhea. I agree, it stains your pants and leaves an awful stench. The cartoon explains that "in worst case scenario, if Nuclear boy poops and it leaks from his diaper. It won't be as bad as Chernobyl Boy." Wildlife and plants "will be negatively impacted" and "people will have to move." After watching that I'm now happy for the upbeat sequel, The Meltdown Kids.

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