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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

She's So Endearing The Way She Gnaws On My Leg

We know its coming...but are we ready...for the Zombie Apocalypse?
There are several signs to look for to know whether or not you should start preparing.
First, have research companies opened new offices and warehouses and other sites in your neighborhood? If so, I would say that you need to prepare.
Have there been more animal attacks in your area lately? Those trying to cover up an outbreak will write cover stories to hide the truth.
People coming up missing? Whether they were kidnapped to be test subjects or they were infected in an animal attack may never be known, but I would stop the search.
The hot chick that never eats meat, ordering a hot dog? Any time anyone begins to act out of character this is a sign. Sure, it could be stress or just wanting a change...but what if its a change to zombification?
Is the news showing reports of cannibalism? At this point its too late and you are probably going to soon join the flesh eaters.
In the event of a zombie outbreak, the 1st thing you should do is cut all ties with anyone you care about. Zombies always go after your loved ones so that they can get close to you. If your boyfriend/girlfriend starts drooling too much and gets a little ill tempered,  you need to be prepared to put him/her down.
Which brings us to the second thing you should do, gather as many weapons as you can. How many? Well that depends. If you live in a rural area with a small population or on an island with no easy access, then as many as you can get. If you live in a big city, you will only want a few core items. A few handguns of various caliber, an assault rifle, a shotgun, a rifle with a good scope and a machete sized knife.
The big city folks will have more zombies to deal with at first so carrying that variety will help ensure you survive. Ammunition will be more important than number of guns anyway.
The next step is to procure a vehicle to get to somewhere safe. Rural people, if you are miles from any big city then you might could make a stand right there. Big city people will need to make their way somewhere safe.
Find an area that is easily defensible. At the top of a hill, on an island, stone walls, minimum number of windows and no zombies already inside.
Once, you have found the perfect location, you should set up traps and gather food. If you actually have other survivors with you (which I do not recommend) have one group set traps while the other gathers food.
Anyone leaving the compound must be strip searched before being let back in to prove they weren't bitten. If they hesitate or refuse, shoot them right there. There is no, "you know I am careful" bs. If they don't want to be searched there's a reason.
This rule applies to refugees as well. Never know when a person trying to save a loved one overlooks that person becoming a zombie.
Once you have fortified your living area, zombies won't be your only problem. Refugees may see how sweet you have it and try and take it from you. This is why you keep a steady stream of weapons coming inside your fortress.
Also beware of animals. Some studies show that they can become zombies too, while others show that while they can't, they can carry this plague and fleas can pass to you.
And this public service announcement was brought to you by Chu's Chinese Delivery: Chu on that for a while!

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