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Monday, March 21, 2011

The Slightly Creepy, But Endearing Cult Justification

I think I am going to start a cult. See, there are a lot of lonely and lost people out there that need guidance and need a cause. And I am knowledgeable enough in all things biblical and I have been told that I am very charismatic.
Most people think cult and they instantly picture Waco or Manson or Scientology. But these are really just extremes and are not indicative of what cults  are really like. Those had media attention.
See the thing is cults are good for your ego. They flatter you and make you feel special. They tell you how wonderful you are and how you have the potential to go places. They build you up.
Being in a cult also lends you a sense of belonging. It's an easy way to make new friends. You will meet so many new people that you won't realize they have pushed all your old friends out of your life.
Cults provide you with lots of things to do in your leisure time. They will encourage you, sometimes with righteous violence, to participate in group activities like drug use or orgies. They will also frown if you don't take part in the ritual sacrifices that they often perform.
Cults give each person a job to do that suits that persons talents. You will be surprised boys, at how many of you are secretly carpenters. And girls, you will be amazed at how many of you are really talented seamstresses and cooks.
People obsess over a cult asking for all your possessions, but honestly how do you expect them to pay for everything? Running a compound that people never get to leave, except to recruit other people to, is expensive. I think I will buy my own island out in the middle of the ocean. That way we won't be bothered or have a need for taking peoples possessions. Except to pay for boat or plane rides to the island...oh well it was a thought!
People also criticize the leaders of cults, claiming they are domineering or controlling, but don't we say the same thing about our teachers, bosses and/or wives?
Critics warn you to beware anyone that preaches an us versus them mentality. But if people are telling you that, isn't really them versus you at that moment?
Critics also claim that cult members are brainwashed and take on new personalities. But if the new one is better than the old, who are we to judge?
So readers, give me all your stuff and come sit by the campfire. Later, after singing songs and talking about Jesus, we will have a cleansing orgy, kill a celebrity and then drink poisoned Kool Aid.

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