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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

What Harm Can It Do?

Today I'm looking back at the toys of yesteryear. Today's parents are way too overprotective. What, with all the warning labels and lead free paint!
Here's a look at some of the things that my generation used to play with back in the day.
First, lets start with my favorite outdoor toy: the lawn dart. These oversized darts or undersized javelins (depending on your perspective) were sharp enough to skewer a cat...believe me I know as I accidentally skewered mine with one. I'm not really sure how you were meant to play with them, but it always came down to one of two ways with us. 1st, toss the dart straight up in the air and hope you don't get brain damage when it falls or second to throw them at each other.
Next up power wheels. Fisher-Price sold these slowed down go-carts to parents everywhere back in the day. One model in particular was alot of fun. The Power Wheels Motorcycle. Like most Toyotas, the gas pedal would stick and little Johnny would get to be like the real Evel Knievel. Man, I used to love mine at crosswalks.
Anyone else have a chemistry set? I did and I must say I loved it! There were only two words of caution on the box. The larger printed one said that "Most experiments should be performed outside" and the other said in tiny letters "explosive results so have fun with it". Boy, my eyebrows can testify that they weren't lying.
I also had a complete set of throwing stars and throwing knives. We used to take these to school and play with them on the playground. Sometimes, one of our teachers would walk over and show us how to really use them. And if you accidentally caught one, well it was only 4 stitches to heal.
Another safe toy was the Fire Footbag. Although, in the toys defense it did say it should be only used by those 18 and up. This was a ball made of kevlar that was then supposed to be soaked in kerosene and then set on fire and played with like a soccer ball. Thinking back on my sports blog, I now believe this would be the best way to make soccer actually interesting.
Model airplanes have come a long way since they were 1st manufactured. And by come a long way, I mean gotten really boring. The ones we played with had a tendency to burst into flame. These things would light up the sky, or your hand if you happened to be holding it, like the 4th of July.
Lastly, I'd like to comment on a toy that I, along with Pinky and the Brain and Lex Luthor, wish I had access to. In the 1950s, there was a toy called The Atomic Energy Lab. This toy came with real uranium ore. With that and a DeLorean, I could travel back to 1985 and keep Marty from ruining a good movie by making pointless sequels.
So in the spirit of these great toys, I have come up with a new one. While rummaging through the barn, I found some old plow shears. Now, what you do is draw a target on your neighbors house and throw the shears as hard as you can. If done right, the plows will stick into the target. Get three in a row and you have earned a Spunky!
Just be careful, my neighbors dog thought I was trying to play fetch...


  1. HAHA, I would like to add the Tonka Truck to the list of toys! Even I, with Barbie and GI Joe of course, would be rollin in style with a load of dirt and rocks around the brothers didnt care too much for me stealing GIJoe OR their Tonka but Barbie had a thing for shorter guys....what can I say. LOL

  2. the best thing about G I Joe's were that they blew apart easy when you tied a bunch of bottle rockets to them and set them off

  3. and this blog is exactly why u cant have one!

  4. I don't think your mother would agree with you on that one.

  5. But I'm sure you do! She's ok with my throwing knives :)

  6. Well son..I'm not the best role model for that kind of thing...after all blowing up the car and setting the kitchen on fire is part of the reason your mother left me.

  7. WHOA! That's awesome! You just seem to impress me more and more everyday with your....shennaningans, if I may :)

  8. There are still some peculiar toys being manufactured. Like when the first Harry Potter movie came out they had these child-sized broomsticks that were called the Nimbus whatever it was that was "the broomstick" in the books. But the kicker was . . . it vibrated. So basically parents were buying their children a yardstick long . . . ummm . . .novelty item, I believe is how they are referred to in polite company.

    But I don't think this is polite company so I'll also point out sing-a-majigs . . . google them because you'll probably quickly see what me and mine saw.

  9. you know i almost included the nimbus 2000 in this but i felt i ran too long with it as it was...balancing getting point across without running it into the ground is often difficult as i tend to be long winded

  10. and i just looked up the sing a mah jigs...and all i can say