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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Doctor My Heart Hurts Because She Took It And Ran

Relationships. In the end they are always about who is the most selfish. See, in any good relationship there is a giver and a taker. And as long as the giver doesn't mind being taken advantage of, then everything is fine. Because the taker won't care if you mind or not. if you mind too much, the taker will drop you like a bag of bricks.
People constantly say that relationships are 50 - 50, but I think thats what quitters say. Anything less than 100% on your part is a failure on your part. I mean look at it this way, you wouldn't want only 50% of the total amount of oral now would you? No, you would want it all!
Sure, maybe you don't want to rock the boat and maybe he will change and treat you better but honestly lets face facts...he won't. So the question is why do you settle? If you auto mechanic told you that he was only gonna repair your car half way and no discount was offered, you would never use him again.
If your Dr told you that he would cure half your illness but charge you the same price as completely treating you, you would seek another opinion.
So why do you allow a man or a woman to only put forth half the effort to keep your relationship happy and healthy?
This is why most marriages end in failure. It is to easy to move on to another person. Way to easy to walk away. Like car insurance, you could save alot of headaches by switching to Katie or Bridget or John or Mark. I mean why work on something when it gets tough? A new spouse is always easier to deal with and she may put up with your bullshit a little longer than your last one!
If you are a Rolls Royce and he's a crime ridden alley, sure you can park there but your going to get your rims stolen.
This is why I think you should have to attend therapy for 5 years before you are allowed to get engaged. Think of how much you will save in the long run on time, heart ache and money. She doesn't speak  her mind to you yet, live with her three years, she will! And if that bothers you, well you didn't care about her to begin with then. He doesn't stand up to your bullying and guilt tripping? Eventually he will explode and then after he's made the bad guy and you're made the victim, everyone will wonder what went wrong.
Instead of dating based on looks and finances, why don't we look at the person on the inside? If he is successful in business and has shark tendencies in his work, he will be cold and that way with you. If she only cares about comfort for herself, she will never care about your own.
Why can't we just find someone and either grow together into what we both want to be or find that person to begin with?
So, here is my proposition! I am in no way qualified to offer advice or treat you or help you with your problems. But I will listen and offer you real life advice. I will help her open to her true feelings. I will help him not be a door mat. I will teach him to be respectful. I will help her to be more tactful. And all I will charge is 14%. Of your total net worth over the course of 30 years. I get to pick which 30 years. Now, some of you may say that is crazy. But honestly isn't she worth it?
And if my non sensical methods seem to work, and you manage to stay married until death do you part, isn't that money well spent?
And that scenario is for those that already have relationships. For those of you that are single, I can help you find your soul mates using a non scientific and made up series of tests that I don't even look at the results. Kind of like E-harmony. Only with me and not a computer screen.
So come on down and let me fix your love lives...after all I can't screw them up anymore than I have my own.


  1. Your hired!!!!!!!!! LMAO!

    Love it!

  2. Ok, so you know how creditors will check your credit report before they loan you money to see just how credit worthy you are??? Well, my idea for couples who are entertaining the idea of getting engaged is to run a credit report on the each other to see just how credit worthy the other is. My theory is (hopefully, but this theory has not been tested) is that the better credit you have, the more responsible you are. The more responsible you are, the more likely you wont take your partner for a nasty "ride" in the relationship! Also, in the event of an engagement, you wont be slapped in the face with your partner's bad debt! Who wants that??? Definitely not me!!! I know this probably sounds far fetched (my theory, that is), but this is my take on it! :-D

  3. Yeah, but that puts money as the most important part of the relationship. Remember in Hebrews it says be happy with what you have and have no love for money. Bad Credit is not a good thing, but it is not something that anyone should base a relationship on. I'd hate to think that bad luck in life which can create bad credit would prevent someone from considering me as a potential mate. Bad decisions in our youth follow you for decades and honestly Donald Trump has more bankruptcies than I have shows so what does credit really mean anyway

  4. Thats my opinion! :-D