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Thursday, April 7, 2011

Don't Ask Me, But I Will Tell You That I Want Be Strip Searched By A Hot Lesbian

Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
I say Don't Do It. For those that don't know, this is the policy which was repealed in 2010 but remains in effect until the people that repealed say its ok to be repealed which prevents openly gay, lesbian and bi-curious men and women from serving in the military. And I am totally OK with it. After all the word gay means happy and if you have ever met a Marine, you know that isn't possible.
I mean why should members of the gay and lesbian community have the right to volunteer to die for us for less than minimum wage in places I wouldn't use for a toilet? The nerve.
After all, if they openly served, the uniforms may get better color coordinated. Or they may start a television show called "Queer Eye For The Army Guy". And we can't have that. I know that all of the people that believe like I do, would rather be savagely murdered than be protected by an openly gay or lesbian person. That's how dedicated to the belief that only heterosexuals are capable of defending us.
Then I thought it over and I don't think that this should be limited to just the military. I think it should be part of all emergency response jobs: law enforcement, fire-fighters, EMT's, and medical personnel. After all, if you are having a heart attack and possibly dying, you don't want to be saved by a gay or lesbian.
Or if your house is burning down, heaven forbid the thought of a gay fireman rescuing you and your family and trying to save your possessions. No, on principle alone, we should let it burn to the ground. After all, if they aren't straight they may make your water crooked.
As for law enforcement, well gay people run funny and that would embarrass the force way too much to allow them to be in. After all, when you are chasing a guy with his pants around his ankles, you can't be running fabulously.
If only we had more role models for straight people. Like that guy who used to play Doogie Howser! He is a shining example of how a straight person should live! Those roles he plays in How I Met Your Mother and Harold and Kumar, must be indicative of his real life! Or news anchor Anderson Cooper, look how refined he is, you know he has to be straight! Or even Congressman Barney Frank. He is the epitome of heterosexuality. For the ladies how about role models like Jodie Foster, man she was hot back in Silence of the Lambs. Or Tila Tequila! After all she is a porn star and if that doesn't prove how straight she is, I don't know what will!
So, America, go out there and keep up the nonsensical madness towards the gay and lesbian community. After all, it does make good sense! I mean, we can't have military bases that provide  better tasting meals, barracks that have color coordinated carpets and drapes, neatly pressed and impeccable hygiene for our soldiers. We can't allow them to die for us, because then who would cut our hair or do our make overs!
No, we can't allow that, because that would just be too queer.


  1. I love Jodie Foster(lesbian or not) does that make me gay?

    Anyhow, I think you make some good points there Ben, however....I'm not telling. LOL

  2. And I, love, will never ask, unless you have a really hott lesbian experience then feel free to share it all with me.