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Monday, April 18, 2011

Don't Tax My Patience

Today is tax day. Normally it falls on Apr 15th, but this year it was moved because Apr 15th landed on Emancipation Day. And since it would have been too ironic to make you pay your taxes, they decided to make you free from paying until the weekend was over.
So for the 1st time ever, I had to pay the government. I am not too happy with this as they don't do anything for me. I think my biggest problem with taxation is the amount of money we waste as a nation. What follows is some of the most asinine expenditures of 2010.
1. Taxpayers spent $615,000 to the University of California to scan pictures of the Grateful Dead. This was to digitize the bands memorabilia and concert tickets and preserve a cultural icon. I think this was done because without spending this money, no one would know who they were.
2. Taxpayers paid $1 million to place plaques with poetry on them in zoos. I know that every time I go visit one, I would rather read Frost or Bronte than look at the monkeys. But unfortunately, since this was only spent on 4 zoo's I may never get the chance to see it.
3. A total of $3 million has been given to the University of California to play the World of Warcraft. This money helps ensure that you can keep playing your level 90 paladin and not have to worry about the subscription fees or the endless cup of Mountain Dew.
4. In an effort to understand global warming we spent $700,000 to study methane emissions from cows. Using the lighters and filming it for youtube cost us nothing, however.
5. The National Institutes of Health has spent $442,000 to study how a male prostitute in Vietnam performs. I think they could have gone to 10th Street and saved a 15%.
6. We spent $239,000 to study how internet love works. It seems now love isn't just "grand", it requires a 30 year mortgage.
7. We spent almost $2 million on a Neon Sign Museum in Las Vegas. That's a "Hunk a Hunk" of cash.
8. The National Institutes of Health spent almost $1 million in stimulus funds to study a genital washing program in South Africa. That's money well spent, no one likes to play with dirty balls.
9. The U.S. Census Bureau spent $2.5 million on a commercial during the Super Bowl that only the people at the Census Bureau understood.
10. The National Science Foundation spent $216,000 to find out "whether or not politicians gain or lose support by taking ambiguous positions." I guess we only like doggy or missionary.
I think we should all get refunded for having spent money for any of the above and the politicians that voted for them should have to pay for them out of their own pockets. Or maybe they will give me $200,000 to sit at home and write blogs while eating pizza and playing DCU Online, after all, it wouldn't be more wasteful than this small and incomplete list I have given you.