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Friday, April 29, 2011

I Will Take My TV With A Splash Of Reality

I have never been a fan of reality TV, mainly because I can't find anything real about it. I would have loved a Shot at Love with Tila, but the closest shot I had, was of Tequila.
And the real Housewives of Blah Blah Blah...they have the whiniest bitches I have ever seen. If I had that much money, I would find better things to do than complain about how bad my life is. They are to me the modern Marie Antoinette and I think we should hang them in the public square. Eat Cake? Eat this!
All of this stemmed from the Real World. See MTV created a documentary of what would happen if you took 7 people that would never under any circumstance room together in the real world and made them room together in a show called the "Real World". And in this show they manage to find the most neurotic and crazy people in America. The show was instantly a hit, because we watched with all the fascination of a train wreck. The only thing better would have been if one of them had been released from prison minutes before filming began. Imagine the hilarity of squeal like a pig moments. Or stabbing someone with a shank for looking at his food too long.
Then came the Road Rules.
Now this show had an actual premise. Instead of saying, "hey this is the way people live", lets show some strangers in a RV and send them around the country. But lets not tell them where they are going. The show should be about them trying to find clues to their next location and compete in games at those locations. This would have been more interesting if the RV were a piece of crap and had mechanical malfunctions all the time. Also, adding a non housebroken dog to the mix would have ensured constant real life drama. Imagine if the spoiled princess stepped in the gift Rover left!
But they still weren't called reality TV...not until a show on CBS came around...called Survivor.
You may have heard of this. Using the real life concept of only the strong survive, Survivor played contestants against each other for fun and profit. They should have had them fight to death for a t bone after a few weeks of eating bugs.
Now we have Jersey Shore, a show that has made me think even less of New Jersey. If that is indicative of what people in Jersey are like, I say we nuke the damn place and cut our losses.
And isn't Snooki a type of fish? Actually the fish would be more attractive.
So what constitutes Reality TV in my mind? How about real people for one...not the caricatures we have on these shows. Paris Hilton pretending to live a Simple Life...yeah ok.
The Biggest Loser makes fun of fat people, thats not cool. Not at least without offering them bacon...then you could say what you want. American Idol shows us that people that can't sing can get record deals and make albums no one will buy. Of the 20 seasons, only Chris Daughtry had any talent. I think a singing show about people that can't sing and making them cry would have been a better premise. Don't let anyone with talent on it, only those that make you sad for the music they are butchering.
Then you had a few that were funny like For Love Or For Money or Joe Millionaire. These shows used deception to create drama. Now I can't find fault with that idea. Tricking a shallow, conceited girl into thinking a guy is a millionaire when in fact he may be worth $4, is a priceless notion. Actually the girl that won should have been required to help get him out of debt. And the other show had a guy looking for love, but all the women knew that if they won they could dump him and claim some quick cash. This show I had problems with only because thats what most people do anyway. It was a little too real. My ex had me help her get divorced and get on her feet, then ran off with the hot, but poor guy she really wanted to be with.
Then there is The Bachelor. So, you want me to believe some hot guy with loads of money can only find his one true love by having random women paraded in front of him on a TV show. And after 15 mins with each girl, he could know which one is a lifetime commitment? Oh, but he gives the girls that he keeps thats romantic. I know if I had a harem, I would want to give my ladies roses.
Maybe a reality show set in an active war-zone would hold my attention. Contestants could consist of average reality show fare (like Jersey Shore and Real Housewives) and could be dropped into areas of Iraq or Afghanistan that were still "hot". The only rules is they couldn't hide with US Troops or they would forfeit any winnings.
This would let us see how well hair gel works against mortar fire. And if a Snooki is flame retardant.


  1. My friend was trying to explain Snooki to me which wouldn't have been as disturbing as it already sounds if this friend weren't actually my age! I think I was scarred for life after that conversation.

  2. Its sad that I know who she is at my age...but as I alluded to I don't understand the fascination with reality tv "celebrities" Im not sure I would call them celebrities anyway...what are they famous for other than being idiots?