Total Pageviews

Monday, April 25, 2011

Shower Me With Gold And I Will Make You Happy

Ahh the simple things in life. See, what many don't understand is that these are the things that make us most happy. Sure, a fancy car may provide an ego boost because it makes younger women want to date you, but I promise you could live without it. Although, I personally wouldn't but thats because I choose that to be one of my simple things in life.
See, its all about sacrificing some non necessities in order to become truly comfortable and happy.
For instance, toilet paper doesn't seem like much until you are camping in the woods and have to wipe your ass with a pine cone. And a comfortable pair of sneakers may not seem like much but I'd bet a paraplegic would love to be able to use yours.
Sometimes I find it's necessary to show people they don't need alot of fancy things, which is why I set fire to that rich guys house in Sydney Australia this morning. Bet he will know the simple life now. Or why I keyed that rolls royce in the Caiman Islands yesterday, with it damaged, they wouldn't dare show it off and brag about it!
See its the fear of losing all of that status symbol stuff that keeps the rich so damn depressed. It's why they say money can't buy you happiness. See, poor people already feel like the world hates them so they have moved on from caring about or worrying about it. Rich people on the other hand, feel the need to stay popular and superior. This causes them to be moody and sad and lonely. If they found out that a hug would make them feel as good as spending $5000 on a briefcase/purse, it may change the socioeconomic situation in America.
So, I have devised a plan. This is for all upper middle class and higher on the food chain readers. Give me all your worldly possessions and I will hug you whenever and as often as you might need it. Sure, it will be a burden on me, but I will make that sacrifice to help you find true happiness. I will even help you find a minimum wage job with really crappy hours, so that you can appreciate your families at home. We can get rid of the pretenses of superiority and learn how to struggle and try and make ends meet together. Well I will teach you, but I will be forced to live your former life styles.
The cross I will bear to make each of you happier...


  1. All I have are a bunch of yoga dvds and I don't think you want those. The dilemma of not being one of the upper 10%.

  2. LMAO!!! I want a hug, though I am not rich nor have any expensive possessions to give. Heehehehe

    Love it Ben!! Gave me a good laugh!