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Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Basic CPR With My Favorite High School PE Coach

Today I attended my least favorite class in college this semester, 1st Aid & Safety.
Today was another reminder of why I don't particularly like this class as it involved touching other students and being touched by them. It's like a sex offenders dream.
The 1st day was on Monday and it started with the PE teacher taking a students cell phone and telling that person they can get it back after class by paying him $5. Wait, what? I know an Associates Degree in physical education doesn't pay very well, but he should be able to afford his own lunch money right? If I had been that student, me and Coach G I Joe would have been sitting with the Dean and I would be asking why I am paying for a high school teacher while I am in college. Last I heard, college was an institution of instruction. You aren't taught, you are offered instructions. Whether or not you listen to and take the instructions well or not is up to you. And taking a students cell phone? This isn't Junior High. I am paying you to be here and if I choose to check my Facebook status instead of listen to you lecture about your time as a Pee Wee Football coach that is my business. Pass or fail is on me not on you.
Today we started as we started the Monday class and he lectured and then we took a short break. After the break we went to the aerobics room with a yoga ball and some leg warmers and put on leotards and practiced some of the life saving policies that we learned today.
Let me say this...unless you are a very attractive person, if I see you need 1st Aid, to be you.
As far as I am concerned I will never need this class. And if something happens to me and you aren't a female who was born a female and stayed that way, let me die. I do not want to be french kissed by some lonely old man who justifies his mouth rape as CPR.
So anyway now that we are ready to jazzercize, the teacher selects a student to be his partner. Now that is cool, I mean he needs to demonstrate on someone right? Right...except he deliberately chooses the most attractive girl in the class. This girl is maybe 18 years old and he proceeds to tell her to lie back and wait for him while Barry Manilow plays in the background. Okay so there wasn't music, but from the way he looked at her, I thought there would be.
He then paws at her a bit then makes us paw at each other. This part of the class creeped me out just a little. I don't like strangers touching me and I don't like other people enough to want to touch any of them.
I also am paranoid and I hate the idea of someone having their hand at my throat.
So, naturally my two partners and I are making a few jokes to ease the tension...we laugh a little but we do every exercise that Mr Health Teacher assigns.
I should also note that everyone else is making jokes too and everyone else is laughing.
But because I don't have the rack that Coach's "partner" does, I am accused of disrupting class. Wait you just spent time with your hand on an 18 year olds ass and staring at her chest and yet I am causing problems in class? Okay to be fair, he said my group was disruptive...but same thing.
Now sure I laughed, but I was no louder than anyone else that was there. The two guys that were with me were the same. But because it was 3 guys working together and not the group of hot chicks that was just as loud, we were trouble makers.
Then we 3 were asked to stay after class. I held my tongue because frankly speaking my mind to someone of lesser intelligence never works well for me anyway. And after class we were told that the three of us can't play together anymore.
Aww...that hurts my that I can't be friends with these guys, can I partner up with the hot chick you *ahem* demonstrated on?

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