Total Pageviews

Monday, June 6, 2011

The Newest Frarority In Town

Now that I am a college student, I think it is my civic duty to start a new fraternity. I will call it Alpha Omega. Since my fraternity will the 1st one anyone would want to join and the last one you would ever say goodbye to.
It will also be the only fraternity that allows women to become members in and makes men and women co-habitate. So maybe calling it a Fraternity is a misnomer. It will be a Frarority.
Think of all the hazing rituals you can come up with. Streaking through the common room would be alot more interesting when your Frarority brothers and sisters are in there. Stealing womens underwear could lead to sleep overs. And Jello wrestling would have lots of participants.
Like the guys from Old School, our Frarority will in now way give back to the community. After all, they didn't give us anything so F*** em. The Frarority House will be just blocks off campus so that the school can't regulate  parties or drug use. Or the filming of ametuer porn.
We won't discriminate on anything except levels of attractiveness. Men, the uglier you are the better your chances of becoming a member. Women, the opposite is true for you.
Now before you protest this, think about how most of the ugly guys are smart enough to help you pass Chem.
What follows is a loose list of rules and regulations and policies.
Really the only rule is that you can't be cooler than me.
But that would be almost impossible, so I say the more the merrier. We will stay smashed and half dressed and sing songs about free love or prison. Or whatever it is your into.
Pets are welcome so long as they aren't birds or bears. I hate one and am afraid of the other.
As a self contained organization. You will be required to fratenize only with other Alpha Omegas or potential Alpha Omegas. Your sex partners can be any other group so long as they could potentially be one of us, but marriage and other unions are discouraged. If you get pregnant or get someone pregnant and they can't be converted, they will be...taken care of and never seen again. Our organization will not allow our sisters to be abandoned and if a non sister decides to not join our brothers "family" she will be disposed of.
We will ingest peyote with each moon rise. It will be a part of our bonding ritual. If peyote can't be acquired, we will instead trip on Acid or Shrooms. This is to free our minds and be more accepting of our programming...I mean our precepts.
Family that refuses to become honorary and paying members of Alpha Omega are not family any longer. These people will be cut off and forgotten.
Aliens procreated with monkeys and thus we were created. Never forget this lesson taught to us by L Ron Hubbard. We must drink the Kool-Aid and enter the new world order.
You will be required to give a lock of hair and a blood sample upon joining to the Frarority for cloning purposes. This is especially true of the beautiful girls that join as I may need to clone you for harem purposes.
You will be required to wear aluminum foil somewhere on your person to keep the government mutants from reading your minds.
You will donate 15% of all future wealth to the organization.
You will name your first born in accordance to our precepts.
Balloon animals are sacred and must never be consumed.
Saturday is our holy day and must always be celebrated with promiscuous activity and alcohol.
Other rules will follow as I think them up.

1 comment: