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Saturday, June 25, 2011

Trying To Relate Using Proven Methods

As most of my readers know, I have returned to college and have been struggling to find a balance between being a thirty something year old college student, a co-owner of a business and that guy that keeps getting thrown out of Chucky Cheese for playing in the ball pit.
But luckily for me I have been enrolled in a mandatory class to help make the transition easier.
Called the Fundamentals of Success for Non-Traditional Students, this class helps old people better  vibe with young ones.
Our first day we were given the key to understanding traditional freshman students. This key would help us relate to all young people under the age of 20. This device would help send our minds back to simpler times and remind us each what it means to be a high school senior. And that mystery object that our college professor says will help us relate...is Play Doh.
Now personally I would have thought that a beer bong and some Play Boy magazines would help me remember what it was like to be a high school senior, but considering I graduated back in 1995, I admit I may be out of touch. Now I know thanks to this class I can easily start a conversation with anyone aged 17 to 20 without fear of ridicule or judgement. If nervous, I can just ask what their favorite color of Play Doh is or their favorite accessory.
This class will prove useful in many ways. I have learned that life in college is like a game of Chutes and Ladders, another thing that helps us relate to high school seniors, in that sometimes your climbing and other times you are sliding back down. I tried acting this out a Burger King and got stuck. I knew I shouldn't have had that triple whopper before trying to go down...
Hugging random strangers is also very much expected if you are an old person going back to school. We are told that if we need a hug just ask, and these young people will jump at the chance to help. I tried that with a girl who appeared to be 18 and am still waiting on the results of the investigation.
Algebra got ya down? Get out your coloring books! High school kids love to color! And when they see you coloring they will join in and then you can ask them for help with your classes!
Polka music is also very popular with young kids too according to my class. As is PBS.
Coming to class dressed as your favorite cartoon character is also encouraged. Tomorrow I will be a Power Ranger. And maybe later I will dress up as Rocko from "Rocko's Modern Life". Friday I plan to dress up like Garfield and pretend to be a cat while my class is on a field trip to the Olive Garden.
You should also offer them an allowance. This way you build a parent-child relationship with the young student. Our teacher encourages us to let them dig it out of our own pockets. You could also buy them gifts in an effort to bond, I hear most like Bud Light Lime or an ounce of watermelon kush.
We are encouraged to offer high fives to everyone we see. As well as say phrases like Rad and Groovy.
If young people are bullying you, you can always threaten to call their parents. After all, you probably went to school with them.
If you see young people involved in activities, you should join in. I saw some 19 year olds jumping off a building flapping their arms like birds and tried to be a part of it.I don't think I broke my ankle but I am pretty sure it isn't supposed to be purple.
Hide and seek or full campus capture the flag is another way to bond with the youth of America. Hide in dorms, lockers or closets and see how long it takes for someone to find you.
Knowing that all of these methods will make me more popular with kids is a great boost to my ego, knowing that works outside of Pre-K, however, is sad.

1 comment:

  1. And here I was disappointed that my university didn't offer me a class like that when I returned to college at the age of 30. But I think the syllabus needs to be updated because obviously the professor leading the class doesn't understand the significance of cosplay.

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