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Saturday, July 30, 2011

Forget Glow Sticks, I Want A Glow-Dog

The scariest thing to happen in science has now been achieved. Glow in the dark puppies! It seems that scientists in the country of South Korea have now genetically created a breed of dog that glows a bright, pale green when exposed to ultra-violent light.
In a country that plays way too much World of Warcraft, this keeps the pet owners from having to break away from the game to shine a flashlight for the animals to see outside at night...a few tastefully arranged black lights and wa-la!
The Seoul National University (SNU) has claimed that the creation will help pave the way towards benefiting humans, and I agree! After all, I can think of no better improvement to mankind than being able to double for a glow worm!
The only downside is that it would put companies that make flashlights and glow sticks out of business. I mean why buy a mag light when you can just become irradiated and look like you just escaped Chernobyl.
The genetically modified beagle was created using a cloning technique called "somatic cell nuclear transfer", which was used by the SNU to create the worlds first cloned dog in 2005. The beagle, a pixie named Tegon, only cost about $3 million dollars to make. This means that the technology needed to make you a techno dancer extraordinaire is easily within reach for the average person.
The SNU claims "that the genes that cause the dog to glow can easily be replaced with fatal illnesses." Wait...what? So, are you saying you spent your entire countrys Gross National Product to clone a dog that glows...just to implant one of the "268 illnesses that dogs and humans" share?
And what does this mean for humans that want to be implanted with the glow worm gene? Will you secretly replace that with say Alzheimer's or Ebola? I guess I won't take out that loan after all...
The idea of cloning animals with super powers raises some interesting questions as well. (And no I am not just talking about the deadly disease thing.) What if they continue to make different pets with different super abilities...would they band together to fight injustice like some kind of "Justice Seeking Circus" or would they be more like the infamous "Legion of Zoo." I think Nickelodeon already does a show like this called 'The Wonder Pets.'
I mean think about it like this: we now have a glowing dog...what's next, chickens that can fly? A cat that spits venom? A goat that breathes fire? A Rosie O'Donnell that isn't a complete ass-clown?
The possibilities are endless!
And then come the moral questions? If God wanted our animals improved...wouldn't he have had the foresight to just make them? Or did he in fact make these and just made us believe that we made them so that we can brag about the things we are able to make? What if this is God's way of starting the zombie apocalypse? Imagine if the glowing gene mutates and causes the dog to become a flesh eating monster and it passes this new disease to humans -which would bring the total to 269 diseases dogs and man have in common... Keep these dark thoughts in mind as 'Rise of the Planet of the Apes' opens next weekend...
...after all God already created Super Monkeys...and we called them Man.


  1. Ha! Where do you find this stuff?? Glo-Dog? Yikes.

  2. I accidentally came across this one, but usually I hunt for odd news. Or news stories I can parody. However in some cases like my blogspot on cartoons, Valemercialism, and toys I just write from bostalgia

  3. Nostalgia *** autocorrect on my phone wont let me spell gooder but it let's me misspell nostalgia ... go figure