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Monday, July 11, 2011

I'm Dripping Ink Everywhere

Readers, I have found a new method for getting kids to raise their grades in class. Offer a tattoo. A teacher in San Francisco promised this very thing to his students if they could improve the schools scores by 50 points.
Stanley Richards, a science teacher at City Arts and Technology High, will be the one getting the tattoo.
In what sounds like a frat house dare, or a promise made after a night of binge drinking, Stan told his class that he would get a tattoo of "the vice principle...only hes a sumo wrestler and like he will have these medals and be slaying a dragon!"
My question is as follows: Is the V.P. so fat that you looked at him and thought sumo? Why not picture him as a ninja? Or why use Asian specific fighters? He could be a pirate or a spaceman or a cowboy on a space pony!
I wish my teachers would make such bets...I would personally tutor all of my class mates and make sure they brought grades up, only for the pleasure of watching said teachers get inked.
I would like to pick where they were placed as well and what they were of!
The one picture I saw made it look like Stan had to get the picture on his ass...I can think of so many references as to why he would do that but I will refrain as they are way obvious.
Think about it though, now tattoo parlors could also sponsor bake sales and girl scout cookies. Sell the most cookies little girls and your den mother gets a tattoo of Rush Limbaugh on a Harley drinking a Fresca while flipping the bird at liberals.
Or maybe, for growing your Sunday School class into religious prodigies, the Sunday School teacher has to get a tat of Yosemite Sam fighting off a pair of Blue-tentacled Alien Monkeys!
Schools could do tours of local shops and learn things like "how not to get hepatitis" or "the downside to sharing needles."
Imagine the YouTube videos that would pop up as ultra conservative Mrs Smith gets a tat of Bugs while he's cross-dressing! I bet these would be instant hits. You could even sell t-shirts that advertise for the event. The Artsy GradeBook Tattoo Removal Specialists would also make out on this idea!
You would instantly know which teachers are the best, because they would look like the tattoo artists. This would help cure any remaining social stigmas for the "Lizard Guy" or the dude that made himself look like a devil. You would think they are just really good professors.
Tattoo shops need to jump on this band wagon and solicit the local elementary schools...after all many of the young women will be strippers...I mean exotic pay their way through college anyway and tats get extra tips...
So Readers, go out and encourage your fellow man to get asinine drawings placed in odd places on their bodies. Let's stimulate the economy!

1 comment:

  1. Rob and I have always contended that couples should never get their significant others' initials or names tattooed anywhere. Forget that it is typically a kiss of death for the relationship, you just never know what the future holds.

    Still, I pointed out to Rob that were I to get his name done, and anything should happen later, I would simply have it changed to Christopher Robin. Then I pointed out that he could change my name to InSatiable.

    We don't have any plans for any new tattoos any time soon.

    The teacher's an idiot. After a few more years of students, he won't have any free un-tattooed space upon his person with which to bribe his students. What next? Piercings? I suppose he could get hundreds of those and would probably retire before he ran out of places to be bejeweled.