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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Best Friend I Have Ever Had

Some relationships stand the test of time, making it past all the hurdles that life can throw at them. I am lucky enough to have such a relationship. With my penis.
From the get-go boys are completely fascinated with this mysterious appendage and that bond only solidifies as we grow up. Which is why what happened to Joshua Seto all the more tragic...
When Joshua was growing up he wanted to be a lot of different things - like a doctor, a professional golfer, and a fire truck. So when his girlfriend, Cara Christopher, showed him her brand new pretty pink handgun, he instantly discovered a new dream! He wanted to be the prettiest thug on the block!
So naturally, Josh did what any man would do with a little pink Taurus .380 compact handgun that was loaded and cocked...he shoved it in his underwear! I mean this is what any self respecting gun owner would do right? I know I never check to see if a gun is loaded before I lick the barrel or try and juggle it for the 1st time!
Then the unexpected he was shoving the loaded and cocked gun into his pants to walk into a convenience store, the gun went off and blew off his penis! Allegedly, what followed was some laughs (from onlookers at the convenience store) some tears (from him) and a look of shock (from his girlfriend).
I would have loved to have taken that 911 call.

"Oh my God my dumbass boyfriend just blew his **** off!"
"He did what?"
"He blew his **** off! He blew it off with my pretty pink handgun! Theres blood everywhere! Oh my God, what do we do?"
At this point her ear will be filled the sound of me laughing maniacally.

Now, I am a big proponent for less strict gun laws and more open carry states like Arizona...that being said, I think anyone applying to get a permit that allows them to carry weapons (either openly or concealed) should be required to take an IQ test and if their IQ is that of say...butter, then maybe they shouldn't be allowed to have one! I also think that anyone buying a gun should be required to have weapons training 1st. These classes may help people to understand that guns aren't toys and should be treated with respect.
Even though Josh is a 27 year old and Cara is 26, they both demonstrated that they are dumber than a box of rocks. This proves age has nothing to do with wisdom or intelligence.
Girls, if you think handing your idiot boyfriend - and your man is the kind of guy that can barely operate the dishwasher or the toaster - a loaded weapon is a good idea then either A) you really hate him or B) you are just as big an idiot as he is. Sure it looks cool, but when they can't even identify which part of your penis is which...maybe it isn't worth the risk.
As a matter of fact, the only person that this outcome could appeal to is a pre-op transvestite...and even then if a guy (that wanted to become a woman) was shown a video of another dude getting his penis blown off...I think that whole lifestyle would cease to be. Honestly, I think that is the way that surgery should be performed..."What, You don't want to be a man, well here stand against this wall while I hand a gun to a woman who has been cheated on. I promise it will only hurt for a minute!"
But if you must look cool and shove a gun into your waistband, at least do it while a camera is running...this way I can laugh at you on youtube.


  1. as my kid would say.... somebody's elevator doesn't reach the penthouse

  2. His elevator doesnt even have a ground floor anymore...

  3. I just hope all his blood doesn't stain the paint job on the Taurus