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Friday, August 26, 2011

I Have No Skeletons In My Closet Only A Bone Or Two

Sometimes in our youth we experiment and try different things. Then we try and distance ourselves from those things if they could have a negative impact on our lives. But guys, if you don't want anyone to figure out your dark little secrets don't link your adult friend finder account to the same e-mail you use for facebook or a Christian Singles Website.
Being the cynic that I am, I can usually find something wrong with anyone. So when a friend of mine dared me to find some dirt on her perfect guy she met on http://www.christianmingle.com I took it as a challenge accepted.
Mr. Perfect came off as an active duty air force serviceman and a family man, who was willing to relocate to be with the woman of his dreams. That to me yelled red flags, because...as far as I could remember the Air Force doesn't let its soldiers up and move to where ever they want, whenever they want!
Mr. Perfect was also a God-fearing Christian. Therefore, I knew from the start that he may very well end up being as perfect as my friend thought he was.
I began a basic web search of his screen name which I won't mention here, but we will call him "Cynteck". Right away I got several hundred hits. Turns out our friend, Mr Perfect has a love for the World of Warcraft. I knew I was on the right track when I found a photo bucket site that had pictures of Mr. Perfect and various half dressed women all over it. It was like a soft core porn site.
Not troubled in the least I continued to search through hundreds of pages, determined to find that it was all a misunderstanding.  After all, most of what I found was links to fantasy debate sites - you know the ones that let you argue over whether Princess Zelda is hotter than that elf chick in Lord of the Rings!
But then...tragedy struck...
Mr Perfect had some dark secrets....dark secrets in the form of Adultfriendfinder.com and SexyCostaRicansNeedHotSex.orgy. It seems that he had an extensive history with every casual sex web site on the internet. Maybe that is where the hot scantily clad womens pictures came from that he had on that photobucket site!
But this could still be a misunderstanding, right? I thought about it for a minute and decided the only way to find out if Mr Perfect was being framed was to create my own adult friend finder account. I said my name was Nancy and that I was from Ohio. I messaged "Cynteck" and told him I would like to meet and he immediately responded...by sending me a picture of his penis.
It was then I realized that not only was Mr Perfect not framed...but he was also gay...as I never listed Nancy's gender as female.
This made me decide to search through the LGBT singles sites and sure enough...Mr Perfect was there too. It seems "Cynteck" really got around...I found him on bestiality sites...on midget porn and most disturbingly on the Build-a-bear website.
The moral of the story is if you are a closet freak that will try anything with anyone, but you want an honest woman at home...don't use the same screen names and passwords...

5 comments:

  1. Ha!

    I want to believe that all of the above is not true but I believe every bit of it down to the BaB reference.

    And even using different names is not enough to protect yourself if you're stupid enough to put it all out there but it will at least slow down some ambiguously gendered Nancy.

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  2. I am sad to say that almost all of the above is true! As for anonymity, using an email and a "real name" only associated with that e-mail will keep people from finding out that you are secretly a fetishist...

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  3. While there is nothing wrong or inappropriate with fetish lifestyles, Using and abusing women with lies and fabrication is disturbing and wrong. But also keep in mind that the net is just a vehicle not a contributor to someone's bad behaviour.

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  4. Absolutely Lira. We all have our quirks in the bedroom! No, the point I am addressing here is the hypocrisy of the situation. The selling himself as moral and upright but secretly about as immoral as I am

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  5. Ah yes, just one more reason why internet dating can just be... well... ICKY.

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