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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

If You Think I'm Adorable, Clap Your Hands

Readers...a serious issue has been brought to my attention...apparently I am adorable.
I know it was a surprise to me as well. But after careful examination of the evidence provided...I must say I reached the same conclusion.
The signs were always there and I am not sure how I missed them. Whether I was smirking with my head slightly tilted as I stared you in the eyes or I was smirking with my head slightly tilted as I stared at other parts of you, apparently everything I do is found to be cute or playful.
But do you know what isn't cute and playful? Dressing in a bunny suit for fun and having to be told by police to stop.
Turns out that William Faulkner of Idaho Falls likes to play dress up. Occasionally he prances through town wearing a bunny suit and a tutu. Residents have complained that he scares the kids by parading around dressed like ballerinas, bunnies and those dead nurses from Silent Hill. So, police intervened on the behalf of the rest of the community to ensure that Mr Faulkner keeps his bunny away from the eyes of the innocent.
Another lifestyle choice that isn't so cute and cuddly is the one being made by Alexander Pylyshenko of the Ukraine.
Alex is a zoo keeper and has decided that his zoo was endangered of losing funding. So to raise money, Alex is going to shack up with Samson and Katya. Now, before you start thinking that this sounds more like the opening for a 70s porno, let me explain that Samson and Katya are full grown lions.
Alex plans to spend the next 5 weeks living in the lion enclosure, going so far as to even help Katya give birth. The only thing he will leave the enclosure for is using the bathroom and showering. Otherwise, he is going to sleep at the foot of Samsons bed and play fetch when required.
Lastly, a story that is the least adorable thing I could tell...Drunken Bears....
The Ukraines Environment Minister Mykola Zlochevsky wants to outlaw people serving alcohol to bears. I think you need to be drunk to pronounce Mykola's name. Turns out people in Russia like to use bears as entertainers and apparently bears have stage fright...So, they do the only thing they can to help the bears get over it...they give them vodka...
Now, that is a bar fight I don't want to be a part of it...and could you imagine holding a grizzlys hair back as it puked? I bet they can't get those stains out! And don't get started on the smell...I mean fish can smell bad enough before you eat it, I don't want to be the janitor at those places.
So that brings us back to Mykola...turns out that he feels that the bears need rehab and he plans to send about 80 bears there very soon. Normally I would favor such actions, but I would love to read an article one day about how Smokey got a D.U.I.

1 comment:

  1. Where do you find these stories? No. Don't tell me. I like having a reason to come here and discover them.