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Sunday, September 25, 2011

I Got The Room, But Now I'm Bored

Everywhere I look I see the signs of the bad economic times. Businesses shutting down. Foreclosure signs on homes. But now I am starting to see evidence of an upswing.

Businesses like this Best Western have decided to enter the rental housing market. Each apartment has one to two beds, a spacious bathroom, a mini fridge, a microwave and daily maid service. 
I applaud them reaching out to connect with people so poor that they can't find anywhere else to live except a sleazy motel that I wouldn't even take a hooker to!
Speaking of taking people home with you, could you imagine bringing a girl home from the bar? I imagine it would go something like this:

You: Why don't we go back to my place?
Girl: Ok cool, but I'm not that kind of girl so no funny business OK?
You: Never baby, I respect you to much.
*Leaves the bar and drives to Best Western.*
Girl: What the hell is going on? Are you some kind of freak? Theres no way I'm staying with you in some cheap hotel!
You: No baby, you don't understand! I live here!
Girl: You creepy bastard! *sprays mace in your eyes* 

Other than serial killers and that creepy guy that builds bombs in his moms basement, who is the targeted clientele?
Is there that much of an apartment shortage that the best place you can find to live is a motel featuring a picture of Andy Griffith on the outside of the building? 
Maybe they are looking to promote prostitution and the porn industry? P.E.T.A anyone?
I think these people may have the most likely motive to rent one of these "apartments."
Maybe open up a camera shop, a sex toy company and put condom dispensing vending machines next to the ice machine. Aerosmith, Nickleback and The Lonely Island could stream into the "apartments" via Pandora radio.
Chris Hansen could even set up a permanent child porn catching studio in one! Every pervert in America would fall prey to the 14 year old girl inviting him back to the hotel.
Think of all the other business opportunities out there! Prison's could rent out cells as motel rooms! McDonalds could become a wedding catering service! Hooter's could make food that is edible! Funeral homes could enter the mattress making industry, I know I would love to sleep in satin! Baskin Robbins can offer cryogenic services in their deep freezers!
So America go out and make money any way you can!

1 comment:

  1. friend...oh, how I needed a good laugh! You are brilliant!! Loved every bit of this! Seriously, you need to do something with your witty talent.....maybe submit this to Letterman, or Leno...or whoever is a hot comedian these days!! This was AWESOME!!!