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Thursday, September 22, 2011

I Spilled The Beans And Stained My Clothes

Starbucks is in the news again and this time it's not just for overpriced coffee at the expense of slave labor in South American sweat shops.
First up, Starbucks is commemorating it's 40th birthday of selling us a really cheap to produce beverage at exorbitant prices. To help celebrate this milestone, Starbucks hired fashion designer Alexander Wang to create some t-shirts. The t-shirt is supposed to symbolize what the company actually means...and what does that boil down to? A coffee stain.
See, apparently the best that Wang could come up with was to spill coffee on a white t-shirt then mass produce the results. The t-shirts sell for the modest price of $85 on the Starbucks website and at Nordstrom. Now I don't know about you, but nothing says affordable like Nordstrom.
Some may question Starbucks decision to sell the shirts at such a high and utterly ridiculous and in no way warranted price, but I say suck it up. After all, if they can convince you to pay $11 for a latte and a cracker, the shirt's are actually a bargain considering that you still have them after an hour.
Sure the material is cheaply made and if you wash it too much the coffee stain...I mean dye they used will wash out and all you will be left with is a white t-shirt that cost you as much as your cell phone payment, but what do you really expect from a company that makes itself fancy by calling it's 20 oz coffee, 20 in Italian?
The next bit of national news involving Starbucks comes from Washington, D.C. A man and his 5 year old daughter were using the unisex bathroom, when the little girl found a video camera hidden under the sink.
William Yockley of Virginia is suing the chain for $1 million. When I first read that, I wondered about that oddly specific amount, until I looked at his picture and realized Will is actually Dr. Evil.
This isn't the first time that cameras have been found in the bath rooms of the company, which makes me wonder why I haven't found this particular fetish on the Internet. "Girl's of the coffee house" seems like it would be an easy trend to find.
I say that since sexting became popular, why worry about people filming you and putting it out there for the masses to see! Let's just invite them to film live in our own bathrooms! I can put on a much better show when I know I am being filmed!
And does Starbucks get kick backs from the secret pornography/voyeurism business that it allows to film on premises? I would certainly hope so, but then again...couldn't they at least take a bit off the retail price of their White Chocolate Mocha?
Lastly an employee was fired for a satirical song written about some of his customers. The song, written and performed by Chris Cristwell can be found here and is pure genius. The company wasn't too happy with his rant however and gave him the ax. With lines like "I just called you fat" and "I really don't want to care but I'm paid to try," he shows the pain of working in the retail industry that everyone who has ever worked retail has felt.
So why fire this guy? I say hire him to write jingles for your company! He clearly has a knack for song writing and rhyming words with shit..which is what your coffee gives me. The song is catchier than gonorrhea and unlike the STD will make you smile. I think this song should be played as you order, because then at least I won't mind mortgaging the house to have an espresso drink with too much milk and sugar.

3 comments:

  1. This was a great post! I am not a big fan of Starbucks...because, I agree, the coffee is awful (always tastes burnt) and far too over-priced. I think they have become far too narcissistic!! Pride always comes before the....fall!! Thank you for visiting my blog, and for your very kind comments....though, I think I am done with creating new blogs. I have more fun reading other blogs and commenting ~ it stresses me out to create my own stuff, so I am thinking this is not my "niche"....but, thank you!! Have a beautiful weekend ~ and keep writing....you are so good at it!!

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  2. You are such a good hearted man!! Thank you again for the visit. I am seriously thinking of shutting down my blog because, I really am a hermit at heart, and I really do prefer a "lonely quiet corner." My blog has gone from 20 followers (as of two Saturdays ago) to nearly 400, today. It is making me feel too exposed. By the way ~ it doesn't make sense why you don't have more "followers"....I really enjoy your posts ~ you are a great thinker and you have a gift with expressing those thoughts in a very witty, and poignant way! I wish you much success in your future endeavors, whatever they might be!! Much love and many blessings ~ alice

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  3. I think the majority of my followers can't be bothered to join google lol or do so anonymously as is the case with Satia. But again, I think you do very well and we are all hermits at heart I think lol...I know I am very much a loner most of the time

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