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Friday, September 2, 2011

I'm Sorry, But Are You Flirting With Me?

I have been known to be a flirt. I don't deny it. The thing is that for me flirting is way to just pass time. In all honesty, I mean nothing by it and sometimes, I have no idea that I am doing it. I know bizarre, right?
See, if I say I want to throw you over the back of the couch and have my way with you, well chances are that I am just saying "Heya 'insert name here'! How ya been? We should totally have lunch and catch up one day." It's only very rarely that I actually mean I want to have my way with you. Flirting is a game that people play and it is meant to help boost egos...right?
Which is why I never realize when anyone is actually flirting with me and she means it. I can't tell you the number of dates I have been on and my date gets mad at me because the waitress was flirting. I thought she was just being friendly! How am I to know that she doesn't try to hold hands with all her customers and it's common knowledge that the girls of Outback and Hooters sit on your lap to take your orders! In that fancy French place on Main Street, the girls always kiss your cheek before serving you drinks!
How is it my fault that you are insecure and worried about some girl that I will never see again - mainly because you will never go eat with me there again!
This is why I think people should just be honest about what their intentions are. I think you should just come out and say "Hey I think your hot and I would love to get to know you better."  This would eliminate any possibility of misunderstanding. Ladies, you should be happy that other women are interested in your man. Guys, if another guy comes up to your girl and says something like that to her, take it as a compliment...unless she runs off with him, then beat his ass.
What follows is a list of things that I do not consider flirting but some people do unless you specifically say you are flirting with me:
1. Touching someones arm or hands. If this is all you have to go on, she is not flirting with you. She is merely trying to keep you calm before she tells you she wants to date other people.
2. Playing the "Quiet Game." Girls, at no time do I find the silent treatment sexy. If you aren't talking, my first impulse is that you are miserable and want out of the situation. This goes double if she is looking away constantly or acting as if she just knocked over a liquor store. No, I don't buy the "she just doesn't want to get caught staring" line of b/s. Which brings me to...
3. Staring me down like I stole your kitten. If you are constantly staring, you are probably creeping me out. I love to stare longingly times, if it makes me feel like I am under investigation though, I am likely to freak out and think something is wrong with me.
4. Talking to me. A lot of guys think that just because she talks to me, she must want me...because some guys think this women just assume that the guy she is into will know by the way she talks to him...this is a bit redundant to me...don't get ticked because I can't tell the difference between a meaningful conversation between friends or that the exact same conversation is your way to show that you secretly want to have my baby.
5. Pretending you think I am funny. If you find me witty and funny and cool, but secretly you really don't and are just acting that way to show interest...I am not going to notice. Of course I think I am funny! Why else would I risk my self-esteem if I didn't. And this doesn't mean you should tell me I am not funny either...My ego probably couldn't take it.
6. Generalized terms of endearment. If you call me hun or dear or babe...I am not going to take that as flirting...hell I have called everyone baby at some point! If it isn't an original pet name, then I am just going to consider it being friendly and living in an informal society. In the south, every woman is hun or darling. In England they call attractive women cows...Okay, so if I was a girl I would be ticked if a guy decided that a hot nickname for me is "cow."
7. Long hugs. Hugs are something shared by family. If you hug me, my first thought is: all we will ever be is friends...So if it is romance you want, you will need to grab my ass while you hug me, this will keep me from being oblivious to your intentions.
8. Answering your door naked. So you invite me over, and when I show up you aren't wearing any clothes. Why do you get mad at me for not making a move? My 1st thought is: you are a nudist and this is your lifestyle choice. Just know, even though I didn't make a move, I was checking you out the whole time.
9. Kissing me with tongue. Doesn't everyone in Europe do this each time they meet? Just because you stuck your tongue in my mouth doesn't mean you like could just be the large amount of alcohol you just consumed...
10. Asking a lot of personal questions. I just think you are nosy. I don't equate this to wanting to learn about me, I think of it as wanting to gossip about me later to your friends.
So people just tell the one you want what you want, when you want it, how you want it and then get it.


  1. Soooo basically you want a woman to walk up to you and say baby get naked let's fuck now?

  2. Isn't it odd that the most flirtatious people are typically oblivious when others are flirting with them?

    I once had a manager comment that I was a bit of a flirt with the other guys and I said, "Don't flatter yourself. I flirt with the women too. Bring children and dogs into the office, and I'll flirt with them. That's just how I am."

    Usually when I go out to dinner, the waitress flirts with me. When Rob went out after we got married, I actually ended up feeding a bite of our dinner to our waitress using my fingers.

  3. @Satia- LOL, it is completely true that flirts are oblivious. I am for sure one of them.

    I occasionally get a guy flirting with me someplace and I always leave thinking, "Was he flirting with me? No... no he couldn't be... He's just friendly..." But I am always the first one to be accused of being a huge flirt.