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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Nothing Is What It Is "Crack"ed Up To Be

Show and tell is such a great part of the kindergarten experience. It allows young American children to bring a significant object, toy, pet or memento into the classroom and share with their friends. I remember when I brought a black widow spider that I had caught in a jar in my backyard. Somehow the spider managed to escape it's impromptu prison and hilarity ensued and my parents were called. Scandalous.
But in the town of Sweet Springs, Missouri, a child has outdone me on the show and tell presentation. A young boy who's name wasn't released due to his age but I will call "Little Johnny" brought in a show and tell presentation that will forever be remembered in the annals of school history - A bag of crystal meth and a crack pipe.
Luckily for the other children a sharp eyed teacher recognized the items and cracked down on Little Johnny's planned show and confiscated the items. Little Johnny's mother Michelle Cheatham, aged 32, was arrested for possession.
Or maybe the children weren't so lucky. After all, who knows what kind of show Little Johnny had planned. I am imagining him bringing in that crazy rambling homeless guy that his mom bought the drugs from. Crazy Rambling Eddie could have talked about the day a pineapple bought his dog a hamster before the man came and ate his popsicle sticks which made him turn to a life of drugs that cost him his wife, kids and home in the suburbs. CRE would have been more animated than a Dora the Explorer cartoon. And with his random twitchings and ticks, much more entertaining.
CRE could have also demonstrated the proper way to use crystal meth. But since he probably sold his spoon that he uses to heat the stuff before putting it in the pipe and smoking it, he could borrow one from the teacher's coffee cup. After teaching each of the 6 year olds the proper way to partake, they could have had a demonstration for themselves. A kind of scratch and sniff portion, so to speak.
Then Little Johnny could have had CRE demonstrate what it takes to afford to use crystal meth by having him rob all the children of their lunch monies. Then and only then should the teacher have allowed officers to get involved. After all, how many times will kids get the oppurtunity to watch a police K9 rip a junkie to pieces in front of them.
I think the town missed out on a valuable lesson for the children and that poor little Johnny's mom should not have gone to jail either. Maybe she should have come to the show as well and talked about the things that a woman can do to score free drugs from scummy men that sell them!
After all, the town of Sweet Springs is only 66 miles from Kansas City - the original home of prostitution in America!
So Missouri, I am putting you on alert! You call yourselves the "Show Me" state? Well why don't you show those kids all that they will probably ever amount to...

1 comment:

  1. True Story. The teacher was telling us about the dangers of smoking cigarettes and she asked the class to tell her some of the things that smoking cigarettes can cause. She expected things like bad breath or smelling like smoke or even a cough, I suppose. She called on me and I said, "My cousin smokes cigarettes and his fingers are stained funny colors."

    My teacher called my mother to discuss my family further. Oops.