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Friday, October 21, 2011

Bainbridge, Georgia On My Mind

A lot of people keep asking me: Sam, why did you move back to Georgia? The answer is quite simple. Because a lot of funny and entertaining things seem to happen in this part of the country!
But on Tuesday, October 18th 2011, Nathan Fluitt found out the hard way that my entertain comes at a cost - namely his abject humiliation and suffering!
Nathan was like any other typical 39 year old. He liked guns. He liked hanging out. So naturally it was no surprise when he decided to hang out at a well known drug house in Bainbridge, Georgia, with his shotgun. Sure, he may have allegedly told the 6 or 7 men there to empty their pockets of all cash and drugs and pass it to him while aiming the gun at each of them, but it was all in good fun! The 6 or 7 men didn't seem to think so though. 
Maybe it was the fact that Nathan kicked the front door in at midnight while brandishing a shotgun! Maybe, he didn't enunciate properly when he told everyone to get on the floor! Or maybe they just didn't like him but whatever the reason, those 6 or 7 men proceeded to beat the ever loving shit out of poor Nathan.
The story goes that after he burst in and made his demands, everyone looked at him like he was stupid before the guy standing right beside the door took away Nathan's shotgun.
I imagine that happened like this:
*Door burst open*
*Nathan*: "Give me your cash, drugs, porn, girlfriends phone numbers, shrimp scampi recipes"
*Guy at the door interrupts*: "Hey rookie. You forgot to take the safety off."
*Nathan looks at gun*: "What I didn't know I had left it on, thanks man!"
*Guy as he takes shotgun and punches Nathan in the face!*: "Oh your welcome!" 
Regardless of how it actually started though, witnesses all agree on what happened next. The 6 or 7 guys started beating poor Nathan inside the house, then out on the porch, then out in the yard, and finally out into the street! You have to admit that this was probably more fun than playing Monopoly!
Nathan's supposed accomplice, Antonio Jones, tried to come to his rescue in the alleged getaway car, but had to flee on foot! How you show up driving a car, never actually get out of the car, but your only option of fleeing becomes running away on foot, I will never know! 
Police arrived and arrested Nathan and then tracked down and arrested Antonio - who's only actual proven crime was leaving his car parked and running in the middle of the street as he ran away!
The only thing that would have made this better is if one of the guys filmed it and uploaded it to YouTube! This crime has to go down in history as one of the dumbest acts in the history of crime. Who randomly assaults a drug house in the middle of the night? Even SWAT knows to go after the sun has come up! That's like going to a Harry Potter Premier and expecting to be the only one there! 
Now that this "little whipping boy done wrong", I wonder if he will remain "Unforgiven" too?


  1. I don't know which I enjoy more--hearing about these weird things or seeing how you are going to twist and turn and play with the weird things you find. It's like watching someone play with Legos who can make really cool things and then sometimes, just to mess with you because you're watching, makes a brick wall.

    Ummm . . . that analogy fell through a bit because I was thinking you're more like someone you expect to only make a brick wall who ends up making a model of something spectacular.

  2. Thank you my dear...I think...

  3. OMG. OK, I can empathize 100% with your desire to remain in GA. It really doesn't get any better than that!

  4. Yeah! Sadly though, I can get this news anywhere else in the world too, just sounded good ya know?