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Saturday, October 8, 2011

Beating A Dead Spouse

Topeka, Kansas has a new motto, "Live Here and You Can Beat Your Spouse With No Fear of Reprisal."
The name Kansas has long been associated with violence - "Kansas" City anyone? But, the state has decided that since Kansas City isn't a city in Kansas, they would make violence a universal concept associated with the name.
Lawmakers in the city decided that prosecuting domestic violence is way too costly and are in the process of debating a measure to decriminalize it. I guess decriminalizing marijuana was worse than letting a man beat his wife. After all people smoking weed are liable to laugh and eat Funions which we can't allow, while abusive husbands keep hospital staff employed. And we need to keep people working, right?
Basically, the state is saying bar fights with men beating on other men while intoxicated bad, drunk men beating their wives at home is perfectly acceptable behavior. Pretty soon they may decriminalize murder so long as it was your spouse that you killed!
If laws that keep victims safe from the ones they trust most aren't worth keeping, then why keep laws at all? I mean look at it this way: Knowing that my wife could cold-cock me with a lead pipe for just smiling makes me smile. It isn't assault and battery it's a kinky love game gone wrong. Today's safe word is aardvark and even though I was screaming it until I passed out from the pain, there is a realistic expectation that she couldn't  understand the words since she knocked out all my teeth and I was gurgling a lot.
Nothing says love like stitches and surgeries to stop the bleeding.
Since no one ever cares about anything that happens in Kansas, I wonder if any other states will follow suit? Can you imagine if domestic violence was decriminalized in California? They already have public nudity, now they could have public nude domestic violence with bitch slapping and valley girl accents!
This isn't the first time that a state has allowed such things though...my home state of Georgia has a law on the books that allows a man to beat his wife in front of the court house with a belt one Sunday a month. The bitch deserved it because she made me dinner every night, took care of my kids, cleaned my house, and worked a full time job. If I didn't beat her ass, she may think I could help with those things. Or worse, make me get a real job! We all know Pimping ain't easy!
So what's next Kansas? Eliminate laws on child abuse? Rape? Jay-walking?
I have an idea! Let's allow the victims of domestic violence to beat the ever loving shit out of the people who vote to approve this measure! Oh wait...that won't work...you can only escape jail time if you are in a relationship with them at the time...

2 comments:

  1. Is this really true? Seems we are taking a few steps back. I was a women's studies major, so in my women & law class we studied the development of laws against spousal abuse....which used to not exist or were always in favor of a "man's" right to do whatever he wants to his wife....yikes!! Still, love the humor in this post...as all of your posts are fantastic!! California is CRAZY, and the legal system here is CRAZY....speaking as a Californian myself, interested in law school!! Love that Georgia law...wow....don't let too many men know about that one!! :>) Have a great weekend!!

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  2. Yeah hun...sadly. google search domestic violence and Kansas should be in the top results...and yes Cali is crazy but you guys give me a lot of material ;) . Have a great weekend yourself Alice!

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