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Saturday, October 1, 2011

I Just Want To Pet Your Kitty

Folks. Hell hath no fury like a woman delivering the mail. Yesterday, Christine Hemming, the wife of British law maker John Hemming, was convicted of stealing a Kitten from John's mistress home while delivering his mail.
This bizarre story begins back around 2004 when John confessed to having had 26 affairs since the two married in 1981. Among those affairs, one in particular stood out. Stood out because she was a mirror image duplicate of his current wife.

As you can see, the only difference is one of them wears glasses and the other has a purple shirt. I am not even sure which woman is which. And I am sure that is precisely why John started spending more time with the mistress than with his wife. He was confused as to whom he was spending his time with.
The mistress, Emily Cox, has a porn star name. That isn't relevant to the story at all, other than that she sounds like she makes adult films.
So John began a long and vomitous relationship with the two wildebe ah hum--I mean women. This love triangle played out in the spotlight and so it was no surprise that in 2005 John entered the Weekly World News' "Love Rat" competition. Supposedly, Christine made an exception for Ms Cox to start sleeping with her husband. She also bought the girl a house on their property and they shared tea time on Fridays and a man on the weekend. But, before long John was spending more time with Emily than with Christine. Cue the sappy horror love story music.
This enraged the wife so to show her disapproval of an affair that she enabled and allowed for several years, she finally threw her husband out of the main house and into the guest one she bought for Emily, in September 2010. For 4320 long minutes, Christine lived the life of a single mother that owned the house her husband and his mistress lived in. Things were great until Christine went to deliver her husbands mail.
That was when she saw that she wasn't the only thing he had replaced. Seeing a four month old kitten set her off in a rage and she crept under a window and grabbed the cat and fled the property. A CCTV captured the whole event.
When questioned by police she was quoted as saying "this kitten comes up to me and starts rubbing itself on my leg and I basically thought, not only has he replaced me but he replaced our cats."
She would later deny saying that to police and claim the whole day as a blur.
That's why she was so shocked that yesterday they found her guilty of a crime. After all, if she technically pays for the house...can she be guilty of trespassing? But apparently the courts didn't agree and she was released on bail until sentencing can be arranged.
It just goes to show that no likes it when you take their pussycat.


  1. LMAO! They ALL look like Wildebeasts... there's no denying it. I cannot even believe that ANYONE, let alone these two female wildebeasts, would fight over this man-cow in the picture. It is vomitous indeed.

  2. wait...there's a man in those pics???? I thought it was just multiple angles of the two women...with them standing side by side in one of them...

  3. LMAO!!! Well, when you said the two women looked the same, for a minute I thought you were referring to the picture on the left with them standing together, since they appear to be good friends and can "share" a "man" and everything... and then I took a closer look and strained my eyes, and strained them some more... and then I decided it was a MAN-COW.

  4. Are you sure the one on the left isn't his daughter? She looks to be 12 or 13? How on earth did John get 20 some odd woman to sleep with him? British standards? Maybe he really has a splendidly witty personality....that women can't resist?! :>)