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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

I Think This Is Scarier Than Dying

October is the month of horrors, so in celebration of this concept I turn my attention to some of the most disturbing news I have seen thus far.
First up when Omaima Nelson told her husband William that he looked quite tasty, he probably thought she was talking about a kinky new sex game. Omaima is up for parole for the 1991 murder and consumption of her former spouse. Authorities discovered a grisly scene upon her arrest. Deep fried fingers, BBQ man ribs and boiled eye balls were on the menu and this disturbing meal apparently answered another question: she does indeed swallow!
This real life Hannibal Lector is currently serving 25 years to life and hopes to be released so she can move a head with her life. She claims that by finding Jesus she knows that her dead and long eaten husband has been restored in Heaven - even if she dismembered him on earth.
My home state made the news recently. On September 20, Macon fire fighters decided to pull a little prank on the new guys. In a video that went viral, a masked man enters the station brandishing a weapon. The masked gunman then grabs another fireman and drags him off screen and a shot is heard which made the rookies immediately shit themselves.
I applaud the fireman for what the liberal media is calling an "unnecessary stunt that endangered the lives of everyone in the firehouse." Of course it was necessary, how else could these 1st aide responders be prepared to deal with all the wild and crazy gun toting psychos that hang out at fires? I just think the video could have been made better if one of the rookies had tried to wrestle the loaded weapon away from his masked co-worker! Getting shot in the line of duty is expected when you drive vehicles with 24 inch rims and loud stereo systems! After all, why do you think they dress in yellow? You know, one of the official colors of hunter safety? I say give these guys that did the video a medal and as for the rookies that didn't move to eliminate the threat by shanking the gunman with a hand crafted shiv? They should be reprimanded and possibly fired. The video is found here.
If you are a man in France this may be the scariest story I talk about all day...A judge in the Southern town of Nice has recently ordered a man to pay his wife 10,000 euros as part of a divorce settlement - for failing to satisfy her sexually! In the country that proclaims itself to be comprised of the world's best lovers, it is an offense punishable by fines to be anything less! So guys mark the calendar because as of September 9th 2011 (at least in France) not making the earth move can be expensive!
Trusting your co-workers is scary enough when they aren't actually out to get you, but beware if they are! California judge Walter Schwarm ordered Michael Lallana of Fullerton to pay his co-workers $27,000 for damages on September 5th. And what did he damage? Their sexuality! See, Mike thought it would be great to add his semen to bottles of water and then share those with all his fellow workers. Maybe he thought adding his seed to water would help it grow!
Lastly, in August, a woman went to the home of a prospective employer in Arizona only to find a pair of dead bodies laying next to the front door. It turns out this was her potential employers. Gives new meaning to avoiding a dead end job, doesn't it?


  1. I read that story about the wife in France suing her husband for not having sex with her during their marriage and I announced to Rob that we're moving to France.

    Then I did the math and for too many years of marriage she was getting a mere pittance of what sex is worth. Only a crack whore would make less or the equivalent so I changed my minds. I figured there has to be an easier way to make a living than doing without sex.

    I'm still working the kinks out, obviously.

  2. LOL!! Some of those stories are just awful! But props to the prankster firemen. No doubt, it's a crazy world we live in...