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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I'd Toss Some Change But Was A Little Short

My love for midgets is well known and borders on freakish obsession. Which is why I am watching fervently the upcoming legislation going through the State of Florida's General Assembly. State Representative Ritch Workman has introduced a bill to repeal anti-dwarf tossing legislation.
The laws concerning dwarf tossing were first introduced to Florida in 1989 and levied fines and threatened to revoke liquor licenses from any bar that hosted a "Dwarf Toss" event. Ritch believes that all this legislation did was "put little people out of work," because everyone knows that before 1989 the only jobs that midgets could get was frisbee and chocolate factory worker.
I think if someone wants to get paid for being tossed like a football, then this is America damn it so they should be allowed to! It's not like anyone is forcing them to do this!
It turns out the laws were passed because many midgets were being forced to do this. Apparently bouncers at bars coined the phrase "tossed from a bar" by tossing midgets into the street to help reinforce their macho image. Nothing says manly like a 6 foot 300lb guy tossing a guy the size of a four year old into road for shits and giggles.
Well, times have changed and surely midgets can get the respect they deserve by only being tossed in a manner they approve of! I say Ritch, run your bill through the state legislature and get this unlawful legislation banning little people from keeping honest jobs repealed! It's not like they are qualified for much more than stocking the bottom shelf at the grocery store or posing as yard gnomes!
I say let's up the ante and toss midgets and bouncers! We can toss them off of rooftops! We can toss them off of bridges! We can toss them into traffic! And at that bearded lady at the fair! We can toss them at trains! Or out of airplanes - preferably while tandem jumping without a parachute!
Just think if Florida legalizes dwarf tossing maybe they will legalize other midget related activities - like live bait on a bungee cord trolling for sharks in the gulf! Or maybe a new sport that uses the little person as the ball!
And once Florida makes the right choice, my hope is all other states will follow suit! Because this is a form of discrimination known as heightism. Because if I wanted to be paid to be tossed around, I could enjoy the WWE.
So go on America! Let's take back our dignity by throwing a little person's dignity into the street!

1 comment:

  1. I remember when this law was put into effect, the ubiquitous home videos of these events. It was so bizarre to me and this as long before Youtube and the concept of viral videos. Truth is, the things have been around for a long time, I guess. But you had to watch local access cable stations if you wanted to see them. Was Ugly George ever big enough to move beyond NYC and the tri-state area?