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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

It's The Perfect Night For A Panty Raid

A shocking story tonight ladies and gentlemen...New Mexico State University campus police are on the look out for a thief stealing panties off of clotheslines! I don't know which part is more shocking, the fact that this person is stealing random women's underwear or that people still use clotheslines...Dryers have been around a while now...Just saying.
An as to yet unnamed woman had hung several pairs of underwear, a couple of bras and her sons shirts out to dry on Saturday evening. And Sunday morning, 9 pairs of panties had gone missing! Maybe they just got cold and went to seek a warmer place to spend the night.
Cops apparently see the workings of a serial panty thief. They have started studying a case from a year earlier in which a girl had stolen and resold her dorm mates undergarments. Though the girls sorority sisters reclaimed their lost articles of clothing, the girl remained at large...
And just like the campus police, I believe it must be that suspect returning for revenge - because the idea that a random pervert entered a person's backyard and stole women's clothing is completely ridiculous and nonsensical. 
My question though, is what is the actual point of this crime? Maybe a random naked girl needed to put something on, so she stole them to wear? Or maybe it was a random naked guy with a conflicted sexuality?
Because honestly, if you aren't stealing them to wear, I can't see the point?
Unless maybe the thief wanted her going commando! Or maybe the unnamed victim staged the robbery as an excuse to go "free."
After conferring with a friend I have been informed that some people do really gross things with them that I choose not actually say here but will substitute the actual words with the word "rainbows" and words associated with the rainbow.
See according too my source, some guys like to take their "rainbows" out and "color" inside of the lines. Other's like to sniff the "rainbow" like it was one of those stickers we were given as children. And still some like to shove the "rainbows" right up their "indigo" while singing about being "blue."
The police reports don't list what kind were stolen, but I can't imagine they were "granny panties." No most likely they were sexy bits of lace in a thong or g-string style. I imagine they were in a variety of colors. Now that I am thinking about her underwear, I have to say I would like to know what this girl actually looks like...I mean if she's not cute, then that ruins the whole effect! 
Another possibility is that packs of wild dogs stole them! Or maybe it was aliens! They need to show how clothing can impede anal probing after all!
There were several bears to escape from a zoo a few days ago, I wouldn't put it past one of them to have committed this heinous crime!
All I know is if I were the cops instead of seeking out a serial pantiest, I would be investigating whether former President Bill Clinton had been in town.

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