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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Starting Christmas With a Bang

Nothing helps ring in the Christmas spirit like an AK-47 and a fat guy wearing a red suit! That's the reason that I am happy with the decision of the Scottsdale Gun Club of Scottsdale, Arizona, offering parents the chance to get pictures of their kids posing with Santa and machine guns.
Visitors to the Gun Club posed with Santa in front of a very large mini gun and were given the opportunity to hold anything from pistols to modified AR-15s. The only thing that would have served as a better back drop would have been taking the pictures in front of a nuclear bomb. Maybe an image of the one's we dropped on Japan?
We know that all they wanted for Gunmas was enough ammo to conquer pre-school!
After all the only reason he keeps reindeer around is for target practice! What better way to celebrate a holiday devoted to peace on earth than by brandishing the most awesome death dealers ever invented? I mean think about it, peace is only ever achieved by completely obliterating ones enemies! So I think pistols and mistletoe should be sold side by side at places like Wal-Mart.
It could be a whole new marketing idea! Picture Remington advertising a new rifle - just in time for the holidays - using Santa and his elves!
I think there would be less problems on "Black Friday" if Santa was packing. The trip to the mall may need to start with the purchase of a bullet proof vest! Want that great deal on shoes, better dodge the shrapnel first!
It would be a serial killers dream to have Santa waving a 12 gauge at all the 7 year olds gathered in front of the tacky display they set up! I wonder if they would ask Santa to bring them new underwear after that?
Since it is a holiday that marks the birth of Jesus, one would ask "What would Jesus do" if he saw such a spectacle? Would he want to "forgive them all for they know not" how to properly calibrate a .357 and hit a running moose while driving a pick up truck at 65 miles an hour? Or would he set them on fire and let them burn in their own hells for taking a beloved pagan figure and making him ungodly?
Because nothing screams "Jesus" like a magical obese man with a bunch of small children elves who can be in every ones house at once delivering either rewards or punishments for the deeds performed the previous year!
Since Christmas now starts in April, it is safe to say that God must approve of this saintly figure being used in any number of ways...including as a terrorist deterrent!

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