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Thursday, November 3, 2011

They Weren't Shooting Blanks

Anyone that knows me, knows this is one of my all time favorite holidays. I mean, what's not to love: you have beautiful women in sexy costumes, ghost stories, and beggars knocking on your door asking for candy with the threat of egging your house if you refuse.
Today's news story comes from the state of South Carolina, from the sleepy little town of Aiken - located a few miles from Augusta, GA. A 28 year old woman thought that confiscating candy from two 10 year olds would be as easy as taking candy from a baby! See readers, what you must understand is that Aiken is like any other small country town: quiet, relatively crime free - and armed to the teeth.
So it should have been no surprise that when this woman demanded the little kids give her their candy that they would refuse. It should have also been no surprise that they would both produce 9mm handguns and try to ward off their attacker.
That's right, the mugger thought she was getting a treat and instead learned that these boys didn't think this trick was funny.
Allegedly one of the boys exclaimed, "No you're not bitch!" and then he produced the Tech 9 automatic handgun.
At this point the 28 year old backtracked quickly and soon after cops were called and the guns were taken in to police custody. The woman claimed she knew the kids and was just joking with them. Because why admit to the police you planned to steal junk food from people more than half your age, right?
I am all for this demonstration of why we need to carry guns. These 10 year olds weren't out waving them around at friends or teachers and causing problems! No, they were just defending themselves from would be thieves! I say, let these boys have their guns back! Its obvious that their parents, who I would assume would be trick or treating with young children - like any responsible parent - were out with them anyway! So, if they trusted them enough to be packing, why do we feel the need to take that right away from them? Sure the law says you have to be 21 to own a handgun, but technically they didn't "own" them, they just borrowed them along with several clips of ammunition.
Readers, if we can't trust our children, children who already show great promise and responsibility in the third grade, to safely handle death dealing firearms, then what can we trust them with? Crayons? Maybe a microwaveable dinner? Of course not, you have to start small before you jump into such complicated things as trying to program the DVR! It's much, much easier to shoot someone than it is to stay inside the lines!
I think these boys should be given a medal!
There are other implications to consider as well! Look at this failing economy and this could be just the idea to jump start it! Imagine the "H&K - Glock Daycare Training Facility." This could be the place that you drop infants off to be taken care of while you work! Besides changing diapers, they could teach firearms safety! Or how to shoot to kill using a weapon that is possibly bigger than they are!
There could also be training videos! Similar to those kids that sing famous peoples songs off key - we could watch as Mickey Mouse and a group of kids compete in shooting exercises that culminates in blowing the hell out of terrorists!
America, this is your casting call. We were built on the idea that all men were created equal and we all had the right to bare arms. Since I can't recall either of those having age requirements, then we have no choice but to let our babies carry concealed.

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