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Thursday, December 29, 2011

Are You Still Playing With Dolls?

I love educational toys! And now at Toys R Us I can buy one that teaches language skills! The You & Me Interactive Play And Giggle Triplets retail for $39.99 and are a Toys R Us exclusive. These dolls can cry, laugh and call you a crazy bitch!
Actually only the pink doll refers to people as crazy bitches and it even calls its sisters that as well! The website says "Play with them to make them laugh," but forget to give Susie her crack pipe and hilarity will ensue! The company's website has been flooded with complaints from parents and grandparents and creepy guys that still play with collect dolls. The company behind the dolls plans to release a teenage version next holiday season that will tell it's parents to "f*** off*. Maybe for the following spring toy line they could market Big Daddy Z, a doll that vaguely resembles a pimp and could say cute little things like "bitch bring me my money" and "don't make big daddy slap a ho." These new dolls could teach children how much they are worth if they are being sold by a ridiculously dressed man on 10th street. It would also help children learn about percentages, because the doll would slap anyone that didn't pay up the proper amount! Or maybe they could make Mary the Meth Maker! Mary would come with all the basic ingredients to let children create a meth like substance! This could teach kids chemistry basics, as well as fire safety - because meth tends to explode! Toys R Us has adamantly refused to pull the dolls from their shelves. This is most likely due to the fact that the chain needs as much money as they can get, because let's face it...lately Toys R Us sucks!
Another educational toy headed our way is sure to make pedophiles everywhere jump for joy! Breast Milk Baby is a new toy aimed to teach young girls (around age 6) how to properly breast feed a child! Because teaching a child how to get another child to suckle the breasts they don't have is important! The toy makes a sucking sounds and it cries when it wants to be fed! This is accomplished by letting it latch on to a special flower titty! The doll, made by Spanish based company Berjuan Toys, is currently only available online, but the company is attempting to get the doll into toy stores everywhere! I suggest they start with Toys R Us, because they have no morals that would prevent them from selling this type of product! At least Berjuan Toys stopped their alleged production of Little Oral Annie!
Many respectable people have weighed on this toy - people like Bill O'Reilly! And everyone knows that he is morally upright and honest in all things, right?
Honestly, I don't see what the fuss is over the Breast Milk Baby - after all we have dolls that piss themselves, need to be fed, whine, cry and steal your credit cards so this is the natural step in the evolution of things!
I think it would be better to have a doll that does all of those things instead of having to buy several that perform those functions individually! And perhaps make the flower titties excrete "milk."
For those looking to buy the toy, hope exists! Berjuan Toys is taking the Breast Milk Baby to the one place that stands a chance of giving it the green light: Las Vegas! Berjuan hopes that the city's many hookers will buy the toy for their daughters.
These novel new toys are teaching our kids values that are needed to survive in this modern world! Now if only Nintendo would hurry and release "Welfare Mama" and "Trauma Center : OB-GYN Edition" on the Wii...

Special thanks to Satia for bringing this story to my attention!

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