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Monday, December 5, 2011

I'd Offer a Prayer, But Secretly God Hates You

I must say that I am surprised! I was also appalled, but the situation has been rectified as of this morning.
Folks, on Friday it was brought to my attention that a church in Kentucky had placed a ban on interracial marriage. They quoted a bible verse from Klanrithians 6:66 as the reasoning behind the ban. That particular verse quotes Jesus as saying "Let each man take upon him one wife, regardless if she is closer kin than 1st cousin and she must be of the same complexion."
The church members voted unanimously to make interracial relationships unholy after Stella Harville brought her fiance, Ticha Chikuni, to church with her one Sunday to perform a song with her. That's because there is nothing Jesus dislikes more than a loving couple making beautiful music together. Even though it was the couple that sang "I Surrender All," it was the congregation that surrendered all its common sense, respect and credibility. They claimed they made this move to help "preserve unity within the community." Because nothing screams unifying like blindly hating people for no reason!
The Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church lived up to it's name by freely imposing it's will on the non-racist parishioners of this small Kentucky community. Among other things, they voted to have an annual "Burning of the Cross Parade" and a "Let's Burn an Irish Effigy Celebration." They wanted to post these events on the Internet, but they don't have computers in the Stone Age.
Pastor Stacy Stepp immediately backpedaled after the public backlash and allegedly told parishioners to "be racist at home, but I don't want angry black people on our church's lawn." The church then unanimously repealed the ban.
Way to stick to your ignorant beliefs! First you outright humiliate a loving Christian couple, then you turn around 3 days later and say "Oops, our bad?" I think you should offer to cover this couples entire wedding and ceremony and then throw in the honeymoon to show that you truly are repentant!
Maybe throw in some counseling to help these two get past the pain of thinking God hates them! Nothing says "I'm not an inbred racist asshole like paying for an interracial couples entire wedding ceremony, reception and the trip to Kenya that they must be planning!
Because let's face it, an interracial couple is only going to destroy the beauty and sanctity of a marriage anyway right? After all, marriage in America means prostitutes, divorce, verbal, physical, and mental abuse so we wouldn't want an entire group of people adding love to that formula - that wouldn't be right!
I'm sure that they will claim they are trying to maintain the blood-line by inbreeding, but frankly I think they should stop huffing paint and join the modern world. If not to promote unity, then to maybe focus on that tolerance thing that Jesus talked about in my bible. But I guess in Redneckburbia it is acceptable to start tossing stones before anyone can see their own wrongdoings that happen in their own glass houses.


  1. Love your sense of humor. This situation is nothing suprising to me, hell black people were brought to America on a slaveship called "Jesus" of Lubert. However, its good to know that there white people like Great post Ben!

  2. Well thank you my "anonymous" friend ;)