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Saturday, December 3, 2011

This Was a Real Crime

Typically when someone goes to jail, it's because they did something to deserve it. Whether they stole, drove drunk, or lived in the wrong neighborhood, these criminals got what they deserved.
But sometimes crime is a little...hazy?
A lawsuit has been filed in the state of New Mexico after a teenager was arrested for disrupting class. This teen was handcuffed and hauled off to a juvenile detention center and neither the school nor the police ever bothered to inform his parents.
And what did the 13 year old do that warranted such action? He burped. During gym.
That's right our 13 year old wild man acted out in such a preposterous manner that the gym teacher had no other choice but to have him hauled off to juvie. That's because he was obviously "interfering with public education."
All of this took place at the Cleveland Elementary School in Albuquerque, New Mexico. This isn't the first time that the seventh grader has had a run in with Johnny Law at this school though! In early November, the school allegedly strip searched him looking for marijuana - which they didn't find because obviously the boy had sold or smoked it all! Maybe the school officials just like to look at little boys naked!
Attorney Shannon Kennedy is handling this case among others against the school board in that district. One of the other cases involves officers handcuffing a young girl and arresting her because she protested having to sit next to the "smelly boy" in class. Apparently New Mexico law prohibits restraining children under the age of 11. They wouldn't want them to develop a fetish or anything after all! Another case that Kennedy is handling involves an autistic child, 7, being handcuffed to a chair because he was "acting out." Kennedy claims that school records for Bernalillo County show over 200 arrests in the last 3 years for non-violent misdemeanors. Some of the misdemeanors include: yawning, talking without raising hands first, and blinking.
Kennedy blames the principals who obviously use jail time to replace paddles. I think these horrific criminals should be hauled off to jail! Think about what would happen if we let children speak out of turn at school! They may try to speak out of turn at home and then parents may have to deal with that! And that would be a tragedy...
In other news involving crime a cashier at a Burger King in Deltona, Florida, called police after two guys left her drive-thru window. When the two guys placed their order, they also asked for a "blunt and some herbs." Naturally, this is a disturbing request. When the guys pulled up to the window, the car reeked of marijuana. This caused the nosey busy body to take down their license plates and inform police - who waited at the suspects home until they got there.
Granted they found a lot of weed in the car, but I think they should send one of their female friends to beat that girl’s ass.
This reminds me of two stories that I know. One, I was involved in and another I watched happen. The first happened a few years ago in early 2000 at a Taco Bell in Sarasota, Florida. As some friends and I were leaving, we overheard an exchange at the Drive-Thru. We looked over and saw four guys of different ethnicities in an old Lincoln Town Car talking to the girl at the window.
The exchange is as follows:
Girl: Ok that will be $47.65
Driver: Hey..look girl. We ain't got no money but uh look we can pay in this. *hands girl a small baggie.*
Girl: Sir is this marijuana?
Driver: Yeah girl that is some prime Afghan Kush. So, uh, we uh, cool?
Girl: Sure sir, you just wait right here and I'll make your order up real nice.
The guys all nodded and smiled and proceeded to wait. After about 15 minutes, they appeared to get antsy and maybe they realized they started to realize they were being set up. A few more minutes passed and the driver threw the car in drive and slammed the gas - before colliding with concrete column. Not very long after the dust settled, four Sarasota County Deputies pulled up and arrested them for drug possession. The guy in the back seat is quoted as asking for his food or his weed back.
In the other story, I responsibly drove my friends home after a night of revelry. Being the designated driver, I was naturally the most drunk person in the car. On the way home everyone decided they were hungry, so we pulled into a 24 hour McDonald's. The following is the exchange I had between myself and the drive thru machine on a Saturday night at about 2:30 AM.
Drive-Thru (DT): Welcome to McDonald's, can we help you this evening?
Me: Yeah, can I order breafest?
DT: Umm, no sir we don't start serving breakfast until 6.
Me: Okay, okay. I'll have a bacon egg and cheese biscuit. Ian will have....
DT: Sir, we aren't able to sell you breakfast
Me: Oh I'm sorry okay then...I'll take a sausage egg and cheese
DT: SIR! We can NOT sell you breakfast yet.
Me: *stares and glares at the talking box thing* Alright I will have a cheeseburger.
DT: *after a long pause during which I think I passed out* Ok then sir your total is -
Me: And Ian will have a cheeseburger
DT: and is that all?
Me: Mike will have a cheeseburger.
Dt: Ok your total -
Me: and I will also have a cheeseburger. And a large fry. Oh and Ian wants a large fry. And we need another cheeseburger. And I need a large Coke.
DT: Sir, would you like any of these to be meals?
Me: Umm, no we aren't that hungry, but I would like another cheeseburger. And Ian says he needs three more cheeseburgers. And Mike says he would like the same thing as Ian. Oh and make sure you get me another cheeseburger oh and Mike needs a large fry and a Coke. And Ian also wants another large fry and a Coke and another cheeseburger. And I will need another cheeseburger. And then we will need four more cheeseburgers. And uh....
DT: *another long silence* Is that all sir, can I give you your total?
Me: a twenty piece nugget and an apple pie for desert.
Finally finishing our exchange, I pulled to the window and took the 7 bags of food we had order and paid the man almost 70 dollars. There were at least 8 people standing in the window as we pulled up as if all the employees that night wanted to see who the hell was causing such problems that late at night.
Mike, Ian, and I ended up with 28 cheeseburgers, 5 large fries, 6 large Cokes, a 20 piece nugget and 17 apple pies.
Somehow, we managed to eat it all...
If you liked that story, remind me one day to tell the other funny Mickey D's story I have.

Special thanks to Barry Reynolds and Lauren Hunter for bringing these news stories to my attention.


  1. That's just so shameful! You ordered all that food and didn't share it with me!

  2. I know Jamie I will next though man I promise!

  3. They wouldn't want them to develop a fetish or anything after all!

    Ha! Good one.