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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Today's Word Starts With The Letter Tit?

Folks, I grew up watching such child friendly fare as Captain Kangaroo and The Electric Company and my favorite kids show - Sesame Street. This show taught me all kinds of things as an inquisitive 5 year old. Things like cookies are better than carrots. It's okay to hallucinate. And lastly, breasts are awesome so long as someone is sucking on them!See, my first experiences with women and breast-feeding came from watching Big Bird and the gang! All through the early 80's, the show would feature nursing naturally rather than just using bottles. In one episode, Maria explains to Big Bird why she chooses that option. And even now, every time I think of Maria, I get excited whimsical. But now controversy is being stirred up over my beloved show because apparently titties should only be shown in low budget horror movies.
That's the allegations made by some parenting groups over the shows idea of bringing back breastfeeding. It seems that despite Maria's claims that "it's more natural," the only natural way to feed a baby involves Gerber. They believe it is "gross" and "inappropriate."
Other parents have come forward to ask for the show to bring back the sweater puppies because these people agree with Maria.
So, who, then, is correct?
Well let's look back at some children's programs that the world says is appropriate and use that as our baseline!
Let's start first with Disney. The house that the Mouse built is famous for child friendly fare and paints itself as the pinnacle of wholesomeness...until you delve deep into their most popular movies, that is!
The Rescuers is a cartoon about rats trying to save an orphan girl. In one scene they fly past a window where a woman is topless dancing to Billy Joel! It seems that I should add strip clubs and random apartment buildings to places that breasts are appropriate for children!
I think the male mouse (whose name I think was Gus) is having a heart attack over what he just saw and is stretching out to prevent his girlfriend from catching on to how excited he is!
In The Little Mermaid, there was controversy over the fact that a penis had been drawn onto the cover of the Disney VHS Box. I know that a random picture of a dick on a cartoon aimed at young girls is extremely appropriate! That's why no one ever says anything to Grandpa when his balls fall out of his shorts at Thanksgiving.
In the wedding scene, the priest performing the ceremony is sporting an erection that would make Bob the Enzyte Guy jealous! To make matters worse, the poor priest is jacked up on Coke and is waving that thing around like a dangerous weapon! I think he should have taken his Cialis a few hours later. I just hope he isn't Catholic - and if so I feel so bad for those altar boys!
We will take a break from Disney for a moment to look at Warner Brothers! Warner is the home of DC Comics and The Looney Tunes. Bugs Bunny is famous for sexually questionable behavior including cross-dressing fetishes and bi-sexuality. In one episode, "Angel in Disguise," Bugs even lets viewers take a look at his package while he is in the shower! The episode is also famous for the "bunnies multiplying" gag, which probably suggests that if you and Bugs got together you would end up fucking like rabbits!
Now let's look at a joint Warner-Disney venture.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit? In one scene, Jessica channels her inner Marilyn but unlike Ms Monroe - she isn't wearing underwear! That, my friends, is what we call a money shot! I understand she wanted to keep her career options open - after all there is a big demand for cartoon bestiality involving well endowed cartoon chicks and rabbits! I pre-ordered my copy on Amazon!
Another famous cartoon maker, Hanna Barbara, aired an episode of the Flintstones in which Fred and Barney were searching for costumes for a Halloween party. Fred asks his lil buddy what he wants to dress up as and Barney responds that he wants a costume that makes him taller. Naturally Fred responds back with "How about another head?" and Barney says "Why would I need 3?"
Now after seeing these beloved movies that exemplify wholesome family values, I can completely understand why the act of feeding your children using the methods you were  born with would be an abomination.

1 comment:

  1. Not meaning to burst your bubble here but the erection accusation, which some litigious fool took to court, is not true.

    I wonder if animated artists are no longer doing these things what with the advent especially of laser disks. I'd be surprised if Disney didn't have a clause in their contracts that prohibited such things from happening. One can only imagine the lawsuit that would occur, what with the whole BRATZ/Mattel IP issues and such.

    As for Maria nursing, I don't remember those episodes although I wouldn't have had a moment's qualm with letting my children watch a mother nursing an infant. Actually, there's an interesting scene in Room regarding nursing but if you haven't read the novel, there's really no point in my bringing it up.

    And now I'm just rambling. Not enough coffee on the heels of not enough sleep.

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