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Monday, January 23, 2012

Voting Hispanic 2012

Washington, watch out! Mexico has its eyes set on the CEO spot of our country and they are sending a potential polygamist to get it! That's right, people from Mexico are here trying to steal jobs again! And this time they want to steal the most important job in the country!
That's because Mitt Romney's parents allegedly crossed  the border from Mexico into the U.S. to give birth to him so he could be born in Detroit. Afterwards, his family returned to the House that Cuervo built, leaving Romney to pursue his goal of world domination!
I am just shocked no one has asked Romney for his birth certificate yet! I can't see how this makes him a citizen...shouldn't all his relatives be residents of the United States in order for him to qualify to run for office? I heard even his dog is from Mexico! Just look at what happened when we let another non-citizen with a questionable religious background become President! Aren't we selling weapons to terrorists now and making everyone in America celebrate Ramadan - or is that we are making everyone in America eat Ramen Noodles because we are all broke?
Imagine what could happen if he gets elected? The lawns of the White House would be perfectly manicured by all his many relatives that slipped over here with him! They would probably repaint the White House Pink and Purple which would demand a name change for the place!
Secret Service would get new uniforms of ponchos and sombreros - and don't forget the mandatory handlebar mustache!
And border patrol would be on welfare because that position would no longer exist!
We would have to translate the Star Spangled Banner into Spanish so our new President can better understand it! Tila Tequila, Cheech Marin, and Enrique Inglesias can all get Cabinet Positions - although you may need to tell them that carpentry skills are not required! Although I know many people who would love to take a shot of anything off of Tila's body!
I wonder if Romney's family would pick their own vegetables to serve at White House dinner functions?
Just think of how much of a nightmare it will be to keep the nearest Home Depot secure! I would hate to read my President had been killed by forklift or from fertilizer pallets crushing him!
At least they will get Xzibit back to work pimping out the Presidential limo's and putting hydraulics on to Airforce 1. I look forward to watching that super cool jet get a new paint job and bounce while it taxis down the runway!
At least people from that country are used to cramped living and traveling and we could fly his entire family of 72 people in four seats on a plane in the economy section! Or they could just all pile into that one car that they share and drive their beetle to the event!
Speaking of his family...how many kids does he actually have? After all, he's not just a Mexican but he is also a polygamist right? Does he have like 20 kids like most Mexicans allegedly do? Or does he have that many with each of his alleged wives?
On the upside, will Romney legalize weed? Because other than day-laborers and tequila that is the only thing that we get from Mexico anymore!
They are also some of the hardest workers in the world, so at least we know that Romney will take his job seriously! As long as his predisposition to alcoholism doesn't get in the way, because I don't think Cuba not getting his sandwich right demands a nuclear response!
I say we ignore the fact that his country gave us Taco and Burrito night, and instead focus on his magic underwear! He allegedly says they talk to him and offer advice on the state of things in the world. All I know is that looking at them, the only advice they aren't giving is how to pick up women! Fox News - I am calling on you to bring the truth of all this to the world! After all, you kept reminding us all about our current Presidents supposed religious beliefs and the "odd" circumstances of his birth over and over...

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