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Wednesday, April 4, 2012

If This Is Torture, Leave Me Bound In A Sex Shop

Folks, I must admit that I like being restrained. Scarves, belts, tie-down straps, chains - even handcuffs! I especially like the fuzzy kind!
Which is why I am not surprised that a man inside an Orange, Connecticut sex shop had to be liberated from a pair of hand cuffs. I mean, every time I see a pair, I am inclined to put them on without checking to see if there is a key. Because there has to be a key, right?
Apparently, the sex shop didn't have a key...
So, now we have a guy in cuffs, possibly wearing assless leather chaps, handcuffed to a wall on the inside of an Adult Entertainment Store.
Cue the fire department! Of course, firemen don't know anything about locks, but the owners of the sex store thought they could use a chuckle. Imagine being bent over and chained to something while a bunch of big, sweaty men are standing over you giggling. But since this wasn't a remake of Deliverance, the prisoner didn't get his prison movie experience.
At this point I'm sure his wrists were hurting, so they now called in the local Police Department. The officers tried to unlock the cuffs with several keys - after they, too, stopped laughing at the poor pervert.
But alas, it was to no avail...the poor, unnamed man was still stuck.
Then taking a page from the Dominatrix Handbook, police broke out the bolt-cutters. I wonder if the officers made him beg permission to be freed, before lightly slapping his ass with a riding crop?
Surely though this isn't the most embarrassing way to have cops called while visiting a sex shop...at least he wasn't using any of the toys. Talk about "Good Vibrations."
I just want to know why he put on the all metal cuffs. I mean, he is a bit of a sadist. Unless you are a police officer of some kind, you don't need these! What else was he buying that day: some rope, some duct tape, and some chloroform? I think they should have looked at missing persons reports and find out if this guy was nearby any of them.
Officers weren't sure if he was forced to pay for the broken cuffs, but I am sure that he did - in the form of his pride and dignity.

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