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Thursday, May 3, 2012

Taking The Bite Out Of The Problem

Folks, Hell hath no fury like a Dentist scorned. Especially when that dentist is your ex-girlfriend that you dumped, but decided to still see in a professional manner. Because letting a woman near you (with sharp objects and poison gas) after breaking her heart sounds like a great idea!
But this is exactly what Marek Olszewski of Poland did. Marek, 45, had recently dumped his long time girlfriend, Anna Machowiak, 34. Marek had met someone new and he knew that the best way to woo someone was with a fresh, clean mouth. So, Marek did what any normal guy would do in this situation: he called his ex for help. Marek knew that Anna was a great dentist. He felt that after she cleaned his teeth no other woman would be able to resist him. So, he made an appointment with his former flame.
Anna eagerly agreed to work on Marek's mouth. Anna turned up the gas and told Marek to relax because he had one tooth that needed to be removed as she reached for her tools. I think it's probably a bad sign when your ex wants to put pliers in your mouth! Marek, however, just thought she was wanting to help him move on. After all, everyone knows that break-ups are awkward. Anna would later tell reporters that “I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions, but when I saw him lying there I just thought, ‘What a bastard.’”
Anna smiled as she got up and locked the door. I should also note that it is probably a bad sign when someone smiles at you as they put on latex gloves: (flashbacks to my last proctology exam...shudders). Then, as Marek succumbed to the Novocaine and nitrous-oxide, she removed all of his teeth - one by one.
When Marek came to, his mouth was filled with gauze. Anna simply told him that "it was to protect his mouth from infection and that he would need to see a specialist later." Marek nodded stupidly and drove home.
Once home, he decided it would be okay to remove the gauze from his mouth. This immediately caused him to say that he "couldn't f***king believe it. The b**ch had emptied my mouth.”
Maybe the price of gold is higher in Poland and she wanted to sell his grill? Regardless of her motivation, Marek's new girlfriend immediately dumped him for not having teeth.
Anna is now under investigation and could be imprisoned for 3 years for deliberate medical malpractice. I don't think it was deliberate, though. I mean what else was she supposed to do while the gas wore off? I think she probably sat there after pulling out the one bad tooth and was like, 'hmm, the rest will probably go bad too, so maybe I should save him the heartache of losing them'.
I also think she kept them to use as marbles or to make jewelry out of! Imagine those in a necklace! That teach any future suitors to not toy with her emotions! I wonder if Marek actually told her that the whole reason he wanted his teeth cleaned was to impress another woman? If so, then I am sure that this incident can be attributed to temporary insanity...on his part. I mean, why the hell would tell a woman with access to your mouth while you're sleeping about her replacement? That sounds like maybe he didn't really want to live, but lacked the balls to do the deed himself.
I think the crack addicts on tenth street would have been a better solution to my dentistry needs than a woman that I used to sleep with! At least if they removed all your teeth, you knew it would go to a good cause: pawning them for crack!
In the end, she got her revenge by showing that he was all bark and no bite...

1 comment:

  1. Going to the dentist is bad enough, in my opinion. I hate going to one. But there is a certain undeniable hubris in this man going to his ex for treatment. Even if she were truly the only dentist for miles and miles, would it really cost too much to drive a little out of your way? If I were her, I'd definitely have kept the teeth as a memento. But then I tend to keep things until I really have moved on which she clearly had not.

    (I think my brain cried a little because of my improper grammar but the correct word sounded so bloody pretentious that I couldn't do it.)

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