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Monday, May 21, 2012

This Tops Them All...More Or Less

Ladies, you have a new advocate. A woman daring to stand up for your rights. A girl that will break your shackles by shedding the garments of tyranny...or she will at least shed her clothing for you anyway!
That's because Moira Johnston is crusading for your right to bare arms breasts.
You see, in New York City (NYC) women have had the right to be topless since 1992 anywhere that a man is legally allowed to be - which is pretty much anywhere! That's right! Since 1992, you can be an amateur stripper anywhere in the city of New York! Minus the benefits like pay and protection, but things like objectification are still very much there! Otherwise all these random pictures of topless Moira wandering around NYC wouldn't be so easy to find on Google!
I say, Bravo! I mean what better way to advance the idea that women are more than sex objects than by parading through the busy streets of NYC topless while pausing for photographs! Moira claimed that posing for pictures was to help prepare "Americans for seeing this in our culture." She also claimed that everyone was "very supportive". That probably has nothing to do with the fact that she is young and attractive!
Because lets face it: I think most people (myself included) should remain clothed. I don't want to see that! I don't even want to see me! I catch glimpses in the mirror and freak out thinking that a strange naked obese burglar has broken into my home - then I remember that's just how I look without clothes!
Why would I ever wish to inflict that horror on someone else? That's why I wear 8 layers of clothing when I go swimming or water-skiing!
But Moira is happy with the "gifts" she was born with! And maybe...Maybe I should be too! Maybe we all should be! I started my quest for breasts...I mean for equality with the Go Topless website. Turns out there is an international go topless day every year! And NYC is a big supporter of the movement! The founder of the movement claims that it is a spiritual lifestyle. The founder, Claude Vorilhon (AKA Raël), is a the creator of the religion known as Raëlism. The name Raël means "Messenger of the Elohim." In this religion, Raël claims that he encountered UFO's and they enlightened him to the truths of the universe.The alien he met called himself Yahweh and told Raël that when he created man and woman, he never intended for them to be clothed. Yahweh then explained that since man decided that they shouldn't be naked, while disappointed that his peep show had ended - he was okay with it...until man decided that he could be topless and women couldn't. The alien said man shouldn't be so hypocritical and that if a man is allowed to go about without a shirt, then women should be as well! In other words "free your breasts to free your mind". Raël went onto write several books on his experiences and he started the Go Topless Movement AKA the Raëlism Movement.
I think this was either the craziest thing ever...or perhaps...this pervert is the most brilliant man alive!
That's why I am officially supporting the 'GO TOPLESS' movement! I think we should all just move past these archaic views of the human body and get rid of all clothing! We could rename our country the Nudist States of America! Although at first I am sure my...ahem..Republic would 'stand', after we got used to everyone being clothing free we would be much happier! Plus, think of all the money we would save on fashion expenditures! Because it's only right that everyone be allowed to show off their bodies however they want! Because nudity is a serious matter! Just look at how professional these protesters are in how they present themselves! Nothing says this nothing to do with being a sex object like wearing angel wings!
Besides, I think this could also be good for the economy and spur growth as well! Think of all the bracelet and body paint manufacturers that will be able to sell new goods! Tattoo parlors would probably see an increase in business as well! Gyms would most likely get a spike in membership! Food companies are already encouraging this idea with products like Naked Juice and Naked Granola!
I also think this will help relax the morality police! Think about it, if they are fighting the fact that everyone is naked then they will most likely be too busy to care that gay people are getting married!
Now don't get me wrong, there will be downsides to being naked all the time...like spilling hot beverages or cheese dips! And I will feel bad for anyone that has leather seats! But overall the pros outweigh the cons! Mainly because they eat really well and prison food sucks...
So America, get with the program! We need to Suit Up! Or Unsuit as the case may be! Because until we strip away our fears of public nudity, until we have divested ourselves of self-loathing, until we are ready to uncover the starkest of the truths, we will remain raw and exposed to doubt, and we will never be open to discover what's underneath it all - stretch marks!

2 comments:

  1. Legal since 1992?

    If I knew that I would have moved back to NYC sooner. Now I can't afford to do it but I absolutely would have sooner.

    Not necessarily because I would take my top off but because I would have the choice. I'm all about choice, you see.

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    1. I wasn't aware of that either. But yeah, it is perfectly legal. Moira was wandering around Union Station. Maybe its because its so cold, but I cant picture NYC being a place I would want to be topless...

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