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Saturday, August 4, 2012

My Triple X Rated Constituency

Folks, I have come across enough circumstantial evidence, and completely spurious correlations, to make the following assertion: Mitt Romney must enjoy porn. And I don't mean that he enjoys it like most men do, I mean he enjoys it like a man getting a massive endorsement from the massively endowed!
That's because since announcing his intent to run for President of the United States, he has received three declarations of support from three famous porn stars.
First up was the showing of support from gay porn juggernaut, Michael Lucas. For those who are unfamiliar, Lucas started in gay porn way back in or around 1996. He then moved to both acting and directing in 1998, after he opened his own production studio using money he had earned as an escort. Earlier this year after being asked his feelings on Mitt Romney, he said "of course I will support the former Massachusetts Governor." I wonder, if Romney wins, will he allow the man who started the wagon rolling to escort him to the Inaugural Ball?
That's right...Lucas started up the Romney bandwagon, and he wouldn't be riding in it alone. Just a few weeks ago, porn legend Ron Jeremy proclaimed Romney to be "a good man" and an "amazing father". That's like Planned Parenthood getting a donation from the Pope. You see, my opinion of Ron Jeremy is: he is like a figure from an urban legend. I still can't believe that anyone would pay that ugly, fat bastard to get naked and have sex on film. I also can't believe that any woman with one somewhat working eye would agree to it. Ron Jeremy taught me that I was too pretty, too tall, and thin to ever make porn. He made me embarrassed to strip down and show off my athletic body to blind women because I was afraid that my non-porn star body would curse her into seeing it which would just make her blind again. Getting this guys approval should make the election a sure thing for Romney!
And then, just this week...Jenna Jameson stroked the Republican Party's Ego when she announced her support for Mitt Romney. Jenna is quoted saying, "I'm very looking forward to a Republican being back in office," and that,  "When you're rich, you want a Republican in office."
Now this three-way of endorsements could be the edge that puts Romney on top. Although, he may want to swap positions and get under his constituency from time to time.
Now I have a few questions about all of this...first, will Romney swallow his pride and spit-out his connection to the porn industry? After all, shouldn't we have a right to know who our candidates are in bed with? Also, should current President Barack Obama feel-out these potential game changing voters? After all, the only reason we know about DVD's is because the porn industry backed them over their competitor, the Laser Disk. If the rest of the porn industry blows off our current President by showing love to Romney, will Obama be re-electable?
I think Romney should embrace these new sponsors because they have the ability to touch more potential voters than any other medium. Maybe he should make guest appearances with Debbie as she does things.
Of course, if Romney doesn't get elected to the White House with the website that ends in "dot gov", he can always take a job at the white house who's website ends in "dot com". Maybe he can co-star with Jeremy, Lucas, and Jameson in the XXX-rated remake called "A Few Good Men (one of whom is also a great dad)".

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